Area Man Cancels Gym Membership After Starting New Relationship

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AUSTIN, TX — In what his married friends are describing as a totally unsurprising move, 29-year-old area man Tyler Redford told reporters Thursday that he canceled his gym membership after starting a new relationship.

“We live in a world where physical looks are very important,” said Tyler, adding that staying in shape while he was single was critical for attracting potential mates. “Then I got into a committed relationship and realized that physical deterioration is a natural step in the relationship process. After the honeymoon phase, I just stopped caring.”

While Tyler’s relationship is emotionally healthy, neighbors have noticed that after the couple moved in together, there was an increase in the frequency of visits from the Domino’s delivery guy.

“I guess I can always renew my gym membership,” said Tyler, reminiscing about the days when staying in shape actually meant something to his girlfriend. “But nothing beats the life of snuggling on the couch while eating Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey and binge-watching The Great British Bake Off.”

When asked at press time if his gym will ever see him, Tyler shrugged, “perhaps when I’m single again.”


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