Woman Spends Five Hours Setting Up the Perfect Photo of Risotto
BROOKLYN, NY — 28-year-old woman Heather Benedict was reported to have taken five hours setting up the perfect photo for the risotto she and her boyfriend cooked for lunch. Authorities arrived at the scene immediately after the dismayed boyfriend phoned in.
“She didn’t want me to eat it yet because it would ruin the photo. I told her it was getting cold, but she wouldn’t listen,” exclaimed Carl, Heather’s famished and appeasing boyfriend.
Captain Ricardo, the police officer assigned to the distress call, pleaded with Heather to step down from the newly purchased wooden chair from IKEA the couple had assembled yesterday.
“I warned her that the IKEA chair had two hours — three, tops — before it would collapse under the weight of an adult human body. I was ready to call for backup.”
We were informed that SWAT showed up and the Flärdfulljkar chair fortunately did not collapse.
The events leading up to the risotto incident are unclear, but Carl suspected that Heather had aspirations to become an Instagram star.
“She was always on Instagram stalking foodie celebrities. I didn’t think much of it at first, but I got concerned when hours would elapse after cooking a meal and when we’d actually eat,” continued Carl.
Due to low blood sugar, Carl became unintelligible and was unable to comment further.
After snapping more photos with her Canon SLR, Heather finally stepped down from the chair. “Got it”, muttered Heather to herself.
After things settled down, Captain Ricardo remained on patrol to ensure everything was all right. He reported to us later that Heather’s only words to her boyfriend were “how was your day, honey” as she scrolled through Instagram.
As she said that, Carl was passed out at the IKEA dining table. He never ate his risotto.