You can’t sit with us. The Psychology of Exclusivity…
- Before you leave, we’d like to present you with an exclusive offer to extend your Amazon Prime/Netflix/YouTube trial…
- [insert random permutation of Greek alphabet] is a highly selective fraternity/sorority. Our final rush event & parties are ‘invite only’.
- Our ‘gated community’ offers 24/7 gym access, heated pool, etc.
- You are now a member of a very selective club: the [perfect SAT score/BMW owner/Rolex watch wearer] club.
- Congratulations on your admission to _______ University. We are an incredibly selective program, annually offering admissions to only [insert infinitesimally low number] of applicants. You are a member of an exclusive group of high-achieving students.
We’re surrounded by them. Exclusive offers. Add the word exclusive in front of it, and you can even sell something as plentiful air: have you tried our exclusive formula for air? It has been carefully formulated using … Car salesmen have used (abused?) this tactic for years, knowing just when to make an ‘exclusive’ offer — typically just as the prospective customer is leaving the showroom.
And there’s another thing that’s true: we all know that these offers aren’t really exclusive, yet we still get that warm, fuzzy feeling inside when we get them. That’s because deep down, we want to be made that exclusive offer. As humans, we seem to value exclusivity more than inclusivity.
When we were toddlers, we all wanted to be invited to play sessions with that kid down the block who always had the best (i.e. rare/hard to find) toys. In high school, the ‘cool kids’ used to have their own parties, that most kids (read: yours truly) would die to be invited to. Those cool kids later re-branded as ‘frat bros/sorority girls’, and their parties became ‘bid only’. In adult life, a section of our community began living in ‘gated communities’, and frequented exclusive bars/restaurants with astronomical cover fees. Even in death, we want to be exclusive: have you tried the new, super-exclusive Louis Vuitton coffin? Here is a link.
Even the Ancient Egyptians knew this 5000 years ago: the social elite were mummified in the Great Pyramids, separate from the masses.
After reading my previous post on FOMO (if you haven’t here it is), you can easily connect how much havoc this deep-rooted desire for exclusivity is wrecking on the millennial mind. Throw in social media, and you have a recipe for disaster. I’m sure you been in a situation at least once when you’ve pined for an invite to a gathering, only to receive none. If so, you can relate.
To keep this scientific, I will suggest you try out an experiment:
- Post an invite to an outing/activity on a public/inclusive channel (Insta stories, the #global or #activities Slack channel in your organization, etc.), and get a feel for the number of people interested in coming.
- Now, create a private group chat/Slack channel/Insta DM or whatever, add a few people to it, and invite them to an ‘exclusive outing’ only ‘for the group only’. And for added effect, tell them you would appreciate “if they would keep this to themselves as we don’t want too many people coming”. And now count the number of people who respond. ;)
I’ve done this a few times, and have almost always found that the ‘exclusive offer’ gets more love…
But what if one of us suddenly changed our outlook and became inclusive? What would change? Well, you’ll have to wait for my next post. ;)
