Head to Head with Existential Dread

A guide for when its all just too much.

By Giana Milazzo

There are many exciting “firsts” after you graduate college — first real apartment, first real paycheck, maybe even a first real relationship. But there are also some hard-hitting firsts, mostly in the form of bills, bills, bills.

Maybe it’s due to the increase in apocalyptic-based series I’ve been watching lately (ahem, The Leftovers, The Handmaid’s Tale), or the fact that I listen to my cry playlist at work (nod to The National’s entire discography), but if I’ve become familiar with any feeling this past year working my first full time job, it’s existential dread.

Certainly, there is some comfort in routine. But I’ve never been so aware of my radical freedom in life until it was starkly contrasted with the mundane 9 to 5 office life a majority of Americans still experience (despite the push to change this).

Going to college is typically an experience that opens up your mind and makes you forget the routine of your grade school years. Once you tackle the obstacle of getting your first full time job, you’re placed back into the monotony, but with a new set of enlightened eyes and post-graduate taste of freedom. After a few months at your first 9-to-5 gig, you’re likely feeling stuck in an endless cycle, asking yourself, “What’s the point?” By this, I mean, what’s the point of incurring thousands of dollars in debt in college and putting your all into a job you might not feel passionate about? Heck — what’s the point of caring at all when this is all pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of life/the universe?

Existential dread is a tough feeling to pinpoint, but at least for me, it’s rooted in uncertainty and vulnerability. It was first introduced to some of us as teens listening to Straylight Run’s “Existentialism on Prom Night,” but it becomes more like Existentialism Every Night when you enter your mid-twenties.

This Is this forever? sort of anxiety is what keeps you up at night binging episodes of The Bachelorette because you’d rather cry about Dean’s life than yours.

Though there’s no sure cure for this feeling, I’ve compiled a list of some things to keep in perspective when you feel your existential dread creep up.

There are some perks to the 9–5 life.

Benefits, paid holidays and vacation time off, health insurance, and the occasional corporate-paid happy hour to name a few. These are all tempting and necessary parts of the package.

This isn’t forever.

Again, feeling stuck is a common symptom sparked by entering your adult work-life and its seeming finality. Take a breath and remember that this is just one job, likely one among many that you’ll have in your lifetime (this is debatably even truer for millennials). Roll out of bed, put a smile on, and while you’re trying to survive until the next coffee or snack break, take the time to appreciate that you’re employed with easy access to a vending machine.

You’re not alone.

There’s solidarity to all of this. Though sometimes it might seem like your creativity is stifled in your first full time role, try to attach yourself to the young talent and like-minds surrounding you. Coworkers can become life-long friends — whether it’s enjoying a book club together, taking part in a professional development group, finding a mentor, or rallying behind a meaningful volunteer initiative, there’s potential to inspire and be inspired by the people around you.

Try to practice mindfulness.

We all have that one friend who tells the group to “be here now!” when everyone is attached to their cell phones. Try to be present in every experience. And when you are feeling anxious, whether it be about work, family, or your own mortality, remember there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to feel in a given moment. Allow yourself to experience your thoughts and feelings without judgment a.k.a. don’t be too hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know).

Work ≠ Life

American workers struggle with their work/life balance significantly more than others around the world — data shows we often work longer hours, with less ideal family-related leave policies. Though we’re all unconsciously influenced by our country’s driving capitalist force and social influence, it’s important to consider the “work to live, don’t live to work” perspective. There are other ways to cultivate a meaningful life outside of the corporate walls — read, join a sport, podcast, fall in love. Try to make meaning at work, but be sure to always make meaning outside work.