What if Physiology Terms Were Boy Bands?
How to fangirl for better grades
By Lindsey Myers with illustrations by Isaac Davis
Anyone who has taken a Human Physiology class can tell you that it is no walk in the park. Learning about the body and everything that it is capable of is fascinating, but there is a ton of information to remember. We take for granted all the things happening inside our bodies that allow us to do everything from running a few miles (two tops) to binge eating Girl Scout cookies (infinite). Hot tip: there is a lot going on! One of the toughest parts of becoming a physiology whiz is getting a grasp on all of that dang vocabulary. To help you out (or just give you a laugh if you have any interest in science or singing sensations) we’ve personified six common physiology terms as boy bands.
Buffer System: Five mid-twenties smooth talkers dressed in crisp, yet over-sized, white button downs with large rolled up cuffs. All of their songs pay tribute to an angelic woman with captivating characteristics.
What it actually means: a weak acid and the salt of that acid (which functions as a weak base). Buffers prevent drastic changes in pH by converting strong acids and bases to weak acids and bases.
The fandom: “Buffies”
The chart topper: Buffer Love Girl
The limits are narrow// But your fluid love hit me like an arrow// They say it’s just homeostasis// But when you’re around life’s an oasis
They said you’d make me weak// But your love is all I seek// You make my PH levels twirl// You’re my buffer love girl
Action Potential: Four teen solo artists brought together by the likes of a reality show. Their talent is above the rest, but cheesy lyrics and hair flips keep them from getting the respect they deserve.
What it actually means: also known as an impulse, an action potential is a sequence of rapidly occurring events that decrease and reverse the membrane potential and then eventually restore it to the resting state.
The fandom: “Actionators”
The chart topper: State of Loneliness
How many times did I hold your hand all night// Making the negative positive til you felt alright
All you wanted was your resting state// You had your mind set since our first date
When the voltage-gated channel opened I should have known// But I held on and now I lay here all alone
PONZ: Three California boys with shaggy hair and devilish smirks. One sings, one plays acoustic guitar, and everyone forgets about the third guy who sings harmonies and always has his hood up.
What it actually means: Pons (PONZ) is the part of the brain stem that forms a “bridge” between the medulla oblongata and the midbrain.
The fandom: “Baby Ponzies”
The chart topper: The Middle
Looked over the halfpipe and saw your face // I’m feeling things I just can’t erase
Sending signals to control my breath// Watching you with him feels like death
I love a girl who looks good in skate shoes// Long blonde hair and arm tattoos
How can I let anyone stand between you and me// Maybe voluntary movement will help you see
Metaphase: This group is primarily made up of hip hop dancers and one beloved front runner with a chiseled jaw and voice like silk.
What it actually means: the second stage of mitosis, in which chromatid pairs line up on the metaphase plate of the cell.
The fandom: “Phasers”
The chart topper: First in Your Heart
Always been treated like second best// But baby you’re not like the rest
More than chromatid pairs just align//You send shivers up and down my spine
Mitosis keeps me second, didn’t think I could depart// But baby all I need is to be first in your heart
Diffusion: A collection of smooth R&B singers that make listeners of all ages unable to control their heartbeat. Their perfect voices mix together effortlessly and transport you to a better place.
What it actually means: diffusion is the random mixing of particles from one location to another because of the particle’s kinetic energy
The fandom: “Diff Dogs”
The chart topper: Perfect Mix
Darling I know this is more than just pure chance// Since we first mixed I’ve been in a trance// This is something stronger than romance
Your kinetic energy drew me in like I can’t explain//I’ll give you anything you need, flowers and champagne// No matter where you take me, I won’t complain
Even if it takes a while// I’ll do anything to see you smile
Hypertonic: An upbeat group of Australian teens with a futuristic sound and wardrobe. All of their concerts are sponsored by Monster energy drink.
What it actually means: a hypertonic solution is a solution that causes cells to shrink due to loss of water by osmosis.
The fandom: “Hyperheads”
The chart topper: Crenation Congregation
Crenation is my motivation// How did I end up in this situation// Pure water taking over our generation
Move it out don’t care about frustration// Gotta shrink cells! Gotta save this nation!
LP forthcoming to a SoundCloud channel near you. JK definitely BandCamp.
