Mostly Joking

My dad’s girlfriend invited me out to a Chilis. Just the two of us. Quality time.

When I showed up she was already there, sitting at a booth with a glass of wine. She gave me a big hug and we both sat down.
“Appiteasers are on the way!” she said.
“Ooo, appitease me, daddy.”
“What?”
“Uh, it’s just…some internet thing, how are you?”
“Oh. I’m well! I’m so excited you came, do you want a drink? They have margaritas with little bottles of beer in them.”

I said yeah, and she immediately whipped around, scouting for a server. She spotted some guy and started waving him down. Like, hand in the air pardon garçon.

The server came with a smile and his black shirt and one thousand buttons. “Hi!” he said. “We ready to order?”

“Not yet, Jason,” Chloe said. She always uses peoples names. It makes me uncomfortable. “But Nate here is going to have the — what was it? The margarita with a beer in it.”
“The Coronarita,” he said. “If uh, if I could just see some ID.”
I reached for my back pocket. I could visually see Chloe wind up.
“You didn’t ask me for mine!”
“Ha, I uh, I might have if you got a drink with another drink in it,” Jason tried to save.
“Oh, so it was my sophistication.”
“Yeah, I have to ID anyone that gets this.”

They both laughed while I just held my ID out. He literally didn’t even look at it, he just grabbed it while smiling, looked down, and handed it back. “I’ll be right back with that. Oh, and your appiteasers are on the way.”

Jason walked away, and Chloe turned back towards me. “So…” she said. “Been on any more Tinder dates?”
“Ha, I have. I went on one the other day, but she didn’t…do you remember that movie Hidalgo?”
“With Viggo Mortensen?”
“YES,” I said, “I thought I was going crazy. No one remembers Hidalgo.”
“What about it?”
“She didn’t remember it.”
“So?”
“No I know, I guess we’re the weird ones.”

She frowned a little. “Are you going to go on a second date?”
“Nah, I doubt it. It was fun, but we just like different shit. And like, I don’t know, living with your dad is a pretty hard sell. I’m grateful! Don’t get me wrong. But it’s a hard sell.”

She took a drink. “Why go at all?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like if you’re entering that knowing you’re not gonna go on a second date, why go at all?”
“Um, online dating is pretty weird. It’s just like this balm for loneliness, you know? You go on a date, it sucks, you delete, you get lonely, you do it again.”
“Why are you lonely?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Like all my friends are either super far away or really just Dad’s younger friends that know I’m down to drink.”
“Like Mike?”

We both laughed. Mike is a mutual friend of Dad and Chloe. He’s 34, and has a real job and goes to the gym and shit. When I moved back home he invited me out to a bar, and we got super drunk, and I guess no one does that with him. We go play pool sometimes.

“Yeah. Like Mike’s alright, but he literally says bro time every time we hang out. I don’t know, everyone talks about how weird or hard dating is, but I feel like making friends is way harder. Like dating has these pretty defined set of rules. But, how do I go up to another dude and say he looks cool and that we should hang out?”
“By saying exactly that?”
“That’s insane, you can’t do that. You’d lose the high ground.”

Chloe gave me a pretty sad smile. Jason came up with my drink. It was ridiculous.

“Jason,” Chloe said. “Do you remember that movie Hidalgo?”
“Uh,” he fake thought. “I don’t think so? What’s it about?”
“Viggo Mortenson races a horse across the Arabian desert.” Where’s this Chloe been?
“Ah, I don’t, but that sounds rad! Can I get you anything else? Appiteasers should be out any minute now.”

He walked away, and I took a long drink through my straw. “No one remembers Hidalgo.”
“Nate,” she said, “Not everyone is going to remember Hidalgo.”
She was trying to be deep. I rolled my eyes. “I know,” I said.
“You need some friends, kid. You don’t have to marry everyone you meet. You and Mike are pretty different, but I mean who cares.”
“Ugh. He keeps referencing Family Guy.”
“You keep referencing Hidalgo.”
“That’s a solid point.”
“How’s your drink?”
“Super strong, the Chili’s bartender is really going for it.”

Chloe pulled it towards her and took a sip. She paused, and looked up at me. It was like half tequila. She smiled and pushed it back. I have no idea what Chloe must think of me.

Jason showed up with the appiteaser tray of wings and nachos and sliders.

“Appitease me, da-” Chloe started.
“I wouldn’t…just, let that one go.”