Turning 28 today. Fuck.
It’s been an interesting year so far. I’ve been trying to get off social media for the most part, and a part of that involved unfollowing everyone and everything, which in turn also made me visit and post on Facebook a little less. But now that I’m sitting in my hotel room turning 28, I figure it’s time for a (hopefully) short reflection.
So what’s changed? Why am I writing this? I don’t know. I think the older you get, the more you tend to keep things to yourself rather than speak them out loud. A lot of times, you realize that it’s better to just be quiet than to be right about something. This applies to your feelings too. At a moment, you might feel angry, sad, disgusted, dejected, but often, that is not a good enough reason to voice things out. Feelings are often fleeting and short-lived — when you feel hungry, a quick snack is really all it takes to alleviate that; if you feel lonely, a phone call is sufficient to overcome that little anxiety burdening you. My rational side tells me that what I “feel” is simply a combination of nerve synapses and hormones trying to tell my body something — but my irrational side pretty much makes nothing of it. In some ways, I understand myself, but in a lot of ways, I don’t.
Which I guess brings me to a broader conclusion at the cusp of my turning 28. There are very few things I understand about myself, and even lesser so about others. I’m less confident about my opinions than I was when I was 20, and probably a little less vocal — but I’m becoming a little more okay with that. On the upside, the things I used to value — the company of friends, a good conversation, working on interesting problems, and recognition — are all still things I continue to value, and I’m incredibly happy about being consistent about that.
Most of all, I’m grateful. If you’ve made it all the way here, thank you for reading this; it’s been an amazing 28 years so far, and I’m glad you’re a part of them.
Time to sleep.

