5 Things We’re Afraid to Admit We Want From Life

And why there’s no shame in doing so.

Ayodeji Awosika
Jan 11 · 7 min read

2020 is the year of owning your ambition.

Stop trying to collect modesty points. “I’m content.” Shut your non-content ass up. Stop lying to yourself, please. Not for me, but for your own good.

We all pretend to want things we don’t want.

And we do this for a few reasons:

  • We don’t think we can get them — This is easily the number one reason.

I see it. You see it. We all see it. Do you have to be as ambitious as me? No.

But let’s not kid ourselves here. I don’t have to know you to know that you’re leaving some potential on the table, rationalizing the living hell out of your current circumstances, and desperately wishing for something you don’t have.

Like I’ve explained before, getting what you want doesn’t make you happy, but it’s hard to evolve to that meditative state in life until you get what you want because you’re too stuck in survival mode rat race BS — remember, Buddha was a rich prince first.

Admit you want the things, get the things to see how they feel yourself, and then decide whether or not you really wanted them in the first place.

What things? Glad you asked.


C.R.E.A.M.

Money is, by far, the most psychologically interesting desire there is.

People will swear up and down that they don’t want more money, but come on now. Who wouldn’t benefit from having more money in their life? Almost no one.

Money provides freedom. Freedom provides happiness.

“I just want to live a comfortable life.”

Most people don’t live comfortable lives:

  • Many Americans don’t have $1,000 in savings for an emergency

What’s the number one reason for divorce? What dominates your thoughts when you don’t have enough of it?

I watched a video with famous YouTuber Casey Niestat once. He talked about the fact that, while he was still relatively content when he was poor because he had people he loved in his life and yada yada, making more money dramatically improved his life by solving his money problems.

I could go on here.

One funny observation — many people who say they don’t care about money drive brand new cars. I openly admit to wanting wealth and I drive a beater. Several lessons in there.

While everyone else focuses on “eating the rich” focus on getting rich.

To live a truly comfortable life where you’re able to take care of your needs, have fun experiences, retire peacefully, and care for future generations, you need money, period.

Check out these resources for more guidance:


An Ideal Partner

How do most people get into relationships?

Usually, proximity. Either you hook up with a co-worker, find someone through mutual friends, or some other means of happening to come into contact with someone in your radius.

Relationships often happen by…happenstance. Rarely do people have high and uncompromising standards about who they want to date and consciously seek that type of person out. It’s seen as taboo to have standards about who you want to date

Don’t believe me?

Go on social media and create a list of all the traits you want in a partner and say they’re non-negotiable.

You will get shredded.

But, why, though? What’s wrong with having your own unique set of standards for a partner? Nothing. We all suffer, in one form or another from not having a high enough opinion of ourselves to have high expectations for others. It seems pretty obvious that you should have extremely high, picky, and uncompromising standards about the person you’re going to spend…the rest of your life with.

But we don’t do this type of vetting, and what ends up happening? Just look at the divorce rates.

Having high standards for a partner also reveals another uncomfortable reality — you might have to be alone for a while to find that person. You might have to *gasp* learn how to be a whole person on your own without being in a co-dependent mess.

How many people get into relationships, even marriages, with people who they have lukewarm feelings for? Too many.

How many people get into relationships just because they need to be in them? Too many.

Next to what you do for a living, who you choose to be with has a major impact on your life. Choose wisely.


A Daring Adventure

On the one hand, wanderlust travellers and nomads who have no stability in their lives do have their own unique set of issues, but, be honest with yourself, you want to do more cool and interesting things.

Why don’t you? Go back to point one — these things cost money.

Also, just in general, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re content with humdrum living. You’re not. Where do you think mid-life crises come from? People suddenly get perspective when they’re closer to death than they are birth.

When I observe people, I see so much stifled and locked up energy. People are so repressed. Have you ever been around a person who looks like they haven’t raised their voice in years? So odd to me. Gotta let that freak out sometime. Gotta do some crazy shit sometimes.

Again, not all the time. Riding the hedonic treadmill won’t work either.

This is about you going out into the world and making things happen…or…not. You don’t have to do anything. I’m just some random dude on the internet. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? (People who think they have to justify themselves to me…a random dude on the net…show me how they really feel).

I’m simply sending out the bat signal for those who are receptive to seeing it.

I don’t know about you, but I want to live a life where I’m beaten, bruised, and exhausted by adventure. It’s so cliche, but you get one life. One. Uno. I just don’t understand how one would choose the option of not maximizing their experiences on this planet.

What have you been putting off?

Blow four figures on a vacation even if it means you eat ramen noodles for a little while. Start that project. Do that crazy thing.

Does anyone ever regret doing that “out there” thing? No. They only regret not doing it.


Starting a Business

Everybody has a business idea. Everyone. Sometimes I think to myself “not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur” but then I think about the idea that everyone is an entrepreneur.

Employees are entrepreneurs who sell their services to one customer, their employer, who then marks up their services and make more money off of the employee’s effort. That never sat right with me.

When I worked at a digital marketing company, I saw the contracts vs what people got paid. I thought to myself “I want all the shekels.”

Why let a middle man take all your money? Why not just start your own thing?

“It’s risky.”

Nope, not really. Can you afford website hosting? Do you know how to use social media and email? Can you use free websites like YouTube to learn skills you can sell? Super low-risk.

If you somehow don’t have access to the internet, then you’re screwed, but if you do, you genuinely have no excuses. I used to write blog posts at the public library computers for free. I read a story about a guy who was living out of his car who would sit in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, using their free wi-fi, at night to work on his business while his daughter was asleep in the car.

2020 is the year of ambition. It’s also the year of being done with whining and complaining.

The internet is the great equalizer. Use it.


All the Infinity Stones

Sure, I could be projecting my ambitions onto you. Up to you to decide.

But I’m pretty sure you want the overarching goal that all the others fall under. You want to be a master of the universe. You want to be able to exert your own will over reality.

People display all of these outrage and envious tendencies because they can’t exert will over their realities. They lash out because they feel helpless. That’s it. Self-actualized people don’t become outraged mongers.

I get it.

The deck is stacked against you. People misunderstand me often. They think I don’t agree with them about all the ways the world is unfair, how people are set up into cycles of destitution, and the myriad ways the elites and the government mess with us “little people.”

Oh, I get it. But I’m still not going to let that stop me from doing what I want to do with my life.

The game is definitely rigged against you. But there are also cheat codes. Self-improvement is one of those cheat codes. So is online business. So is circumventing the system altogether and finding your way.

Yeah, pulling off this whole master of your universe thing will make you an exception to the rule. It is what it is. I didn’t create society. Nor do I think I can massively change it.

I just do the most I can for myself while encouraging you to do the same.

There’s so much noise in the world. Don’t let that noise keep you from doing your thing.


Ayodeji is the author of You 2.0 — Stop Feeling Stuck, Reinvent Yourself, and Become a Brand New You. Want a free copy of my first book? Get it here.

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Ayodeji Awosika

Written by

Buy my new book, Real Help: An Honest Guide to Self Improvement — https://amzn.to/3af5ct2

Mind Cafe

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

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