6 Ways Real Love Surprises You

While I’m not a fan of surprises, real love proved to be the best one of all.

Kirstie Taylor
May 26, 2020 · 5 min read
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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

I believe there are two kinds of love.

There is love that comes into your life to teach you. Perhaps it’s how you deserve to be loved, or how you don’t deserve to be loved. You may look back one day and question if it even was love, and that answer holds little importance. All that matters is the meaning you give the experience and to recognize that it wasn’t real love.

Real love lasts, maybe months, but hopefully forever. It’s more elusive than the kind of love that flows throughout our lives. Real love isn’t as easy to find, but when it does, it’ll surprise you.

I say this from my own experience. I was in relationships that thrived off manipulation and tears; between fights and making up is where the relationship felt alive. Now I’m in a relationship that feels exactly like real love. And it’s exactly like I never thought it could be.

The catch is, none of us can know what real love looks like until we experience it. The human brain is only capable of imagining what would make us happy through memories and what we see in the media. And even then, it’s only speculation.

When real love comes into your life, chances are, it’ll look wholly different from how you thought it would. It turns out, real love is a lot of things, including surprising.

Real Love Does Feel Natural.

The kind of love that teaches us feels hard because it wasn’t meant to stay forever. The hard parts are where we learned lessons understand real love when it finally came our way.

Real love, on the other hand, feels like a sweater the fits perfectly. You’ll be going about your day and be struck with a sense of calm. Yes, you’re in love, and yes, it’s easy. It does require work, but the work makes sense.

You’ll Keep Falling in Love, Again and Again.

In my previous relationships, things either eventually felt stale, or they just didn’t feel right. I figured maybe that was simply what happened when you were with someone long enough; eventually you become desensitized to their allure.

Yet I’m blindsided every day when I feel taken over by love. Waking up to my partner in bed with me is as exciting as it was the first time we spent the night together.

Real love lasts throughout life because of this truth. Your partner may annoy you sometimes, but the reason you fell in love is always there.

It Might Come From a Place You Least Expected It.

If we knew where to find love, everyone would have it. People wouldn’t be on dating apps and in relationships that aren’t fulfilling.

But the fact is, we never know where it’ll come from. I never expected that a man I knew for two years before we went on our first date would end up being the man I plan to marry. To this day, it’s wild to think our stories ended up together.

But the great thing about love coming from where you least expected is that it’ll be unlike anything you’ve experienced.

You May Be Your Biggest Obstacle.

When you’ve been through a lot of heartbreak, it’s easiest just to blame the world. You could say that you’re the victim to everyone else’s hurt. Or maybe the universe is out to get you.

But when real love presents itself, you might have to acknowledge that you are holding yourself back.

After dating people that disguised their manipulation and insecurities as love, I had a hard time accepting the healthy kind. My current boyfriend would promptly text me throughout the day and never played games. At first, I wanted to run; it all felt too foreign.

But I decided to finally change my dating patterns because I didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity for something different; something that ended up being what I didn’t know I wanted.

Your Lover Will Begin to Become One of Your Best Friends.

Teachable love might feel like you’re only lovers or only friends. It may even feel like you’re both, right away, in a whirlwind of emotions.

But real love builds up with time. And it doesn’t just build one aspect of the relationship, it builds two.

You become better lovers by knowing one another; you understand how your partner feels love and cared for most. But you also become better friends over time; you learn to enjoy activities together and how it is you both like to spend your free time. Real love builds both of these paths without neglecting the other until you wake up one day and realize you’re sleeping next to one of your best friends.

You Won’t Doubt that You Can Spend Your Life With the Person.

I don’t think real love should be measured purely off whether you do actually spend your life with the person. But real love is seeing that you could make the decision to always be with them.

I bring this grey area up because this was the biggest surprise out of all of them. I’d always felt hesitant about the prospect of spending my life with the same person. It honestly didn’t make sense to me.

But being with someone for whom I feel real love made me realize that spending forever with someone doesn’t mean staying the same. It means growing and exploring the world with another person. And for the first time in my life, I feel that for my partner, without hesitation.

I always thought love was a lot of things, but surprising was not amongst them. Now I realize the beauty in not knowing what life had in store for me.

I guess that’s what happens when two people come together whose fates aligned: the completely unexpected.

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Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Thanks to Dan Moore

Kirstie Taylor

Written by

Dating, relationship, and self-love writer. Anxious with dating? >> https://kirstietaylor.substack.com // IG: @WordsWithKirstie // info (at) kirstietaylor.com

Mind Cafe

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Kirstie Taylor

Written by

Dating, relationship, and self-love writer. Anxious with dating? >> https://kirstietaylor.substack.com // IG: @WordsWithKirstie // info (at) kirstietaylor.com

Mind Cafe

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

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