7 Signs You Have High Emotional Maturity (Even if You’re Not Aware of It)
Control your emotions. Don’t let them control you.
The quest to live an extraordinary life begins with getting control of your emotions.
This is not to say that emotions are useless. No. It’s just that most people don’t know how to navigate their emotional structure, and this leads to all sorts of chaos in their life.
In this article, I want to discuss seven signs that you have high emotional maturity. Let’s dive in.
Is the world filled with mindreaders?
In any kind of relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic one, expectations arise. If they’re fulfilled, everyone is happy. And if not, problems may arise.
However, there are two types of expectations:
- Articulated expectations: These are the ones you actually speak out loud to the person you expect them from.
- Unarticulated expectations: These aren’t said out loud.
A sign that you have high emotional maturity is that you don’t expect people to be mindreaders. If you need something from them, you tell them very clearly. Of course, you don’t have to lay out the most basic necessities of any relationship. But you do have to tell people if you need something from them that isn’t obvious.
However, most people expect their close ones to read their minds. And on top of that, when they inevitably fail to deliver, such people end up getting mad at them as well. But that’s not you. You have the awareness, courage, and skill to clearly articulate your needs.
The lesser used well to draw confidence
Most people try to find confidence in their greatness. However, when they’re not as great as they’d like to be, they fail to do so. And hence, many people spend years — sometimes forever — living an underconfident life.
But you look for confidence in a different well. You find confidence in the fact that although people might seem to have their shit together on the surface, deep down, everyone is extremely lost in life. Just like you.
You use this to source confidence immediately. And then, with this confidence, you seek greatness. This greatness then provides delayed yet very potent confidence over the long term.
You offer healthy warnings about yourself
When someone gets close to you, they’re more likely to encounter your difficult sides. As an emotionally mature person, you’re aware of this. So when people get close to you, you give them kind warnings. You tell them that in certain situations, you’re quite challenging to be dealt with.
This is a very difficult thing to do. Because:
- First, you have to have enough self-awareness to realize when you can be difficult.
- Second, you have to learn how to improve those sides of you.
- Third, you have to realize that even though you’re improving yourself, someone might fall victim to your difficult sides during the transition. And hence, you warn people who’re close to you because you realize that these warnings will act as shock absorbers when you’re unpleasant to deal with.
The thing about timing
I made a huge mistake in my last relationship.
Last year, my ex’s mother was down with COVID, and as she was overly attached to her, she was worried sick. Of course, I knew this. But I failed to realize it.
One day, I found out about something my ex did behind my back a while ago and it pissed me off. It made me furious to the point that I couldn’t wait to bring it up. So I did, and I did it a bit aggressively. You can guess what happened. It ended up damaging our relationship in an irreparable way. It was not that I shouldn’t have brought it up. But I should have realized that the timing was wrong.
A sign of emotional maturity is to know when not to bring things up. An emotionally mature person realizes that even small things like a lack of sleep, hunger, or a long day at work have a lot of effects on people’s moods. And they make sure that people are in the right space of mind before they bring up crucial issues.
How your awareness of your flaws helps you
Newsflash: Everyone has flaws and so do you. But the grade of people’s awareness of their flaws differs big time.
- Some people fail to even accept the reality that they might be flawed. And hence, they can never know exactly how they’re flawed. These people are emotionally immature and if you point out their flaws, they’re just not able to handle them.
- Some people realize that they might be flawed, but aren’t aware of the specifics. If their flaws are pointed out, they’re not as triggered. They can handle it.
- Some people realize that they’re flawed, and have a high awareness of the specific ways they’re flawed. They’ll be the most welcoming towards criticism. This is you.
When someone points out your flaws, you don’t get defensive. You realize that they’re not trying to attack you. You don’t outright accept what they think of you, but at the same time, you give their opinion and honest consideration.
Your remote control — does everyone have it?
It’s astonishing.
Some people exist whom any tom, dick, or harry can trigger. All someone has to do to ruin their mood is to say certain flammable things and that’s it. And when they’re told that they should not let someone affect their mood so much, they try to defend their high sensitivity. It’s like the whole world has the power to control their emotions — even the people they don’t respect or like.
But not you. You realize that very few people — like your romantic partner or your best friend — should be given control over your emotions. Other people have very little — if not zero — power over your emotions. You always have a majority say in what your mood is going to be like.
The art of letting go
Some people just cannot let go of things. They have to bring it up. If their partner makes even a little mistake, it has to be made a part of the record.
And then there are some people who let go of things, but not gracefully. They let off things saying, “Well, it’s no point telling him about his mistake because he’s never going to improve.”
You, on the other hand, let go of a lot of things — and you do it with grace. You realize that everyone has flaws, and you don’t expect them to be perfect. So if the person in question is overall a great human, and they have a few flaws here and there — you accept them without bringing them up. Of course, this is not to say that you just stop speaking up. But just not every flaw or mistake of a person needs to be documented.
Recap
Your emotional intelligence directly correlates to the quality of your life. Here are seven signs that you have high emotional maturity.
- You don’t expect people to read your mind. If you need something from them, you articulate it.
- You’ve learned to source confidence from the fact that everyone is lost in life.
- You warn people about the situations in which you’re a difficult person.
- You know not to bring up things when people are not in the mood.
- You can handle criticism well.
- Very few people have control over your emotions.
- You let go of certain things without the need of bringing them up.
