Eleven Short Rules to Access the Good Life
Waking up in a pool of your own piss isn’t the good life.
I pissed the bed one night (as a grown adult).
I shouldn’t admit that.
At one of the lowest points in my life, I would numb the pain of mental illness with alcohol. That evening I hit the nightclubs. I got smashed in front of potential mates who I thought might hit the sack with me.
Nothing.
I got so drunk I was slurring my words. We left one club and tried to go to a new one.
“Sorry matey, you’re too hammered,” the security guard said firmly.
So we drank tequila in the street behind the club. I eventually stumbled home in a taxi. I passed out on my bed. I was so drunk that vomit foamed out of my mouth. I slept in it.
When I woke up, I was lying in a pool of bright yellow urine.
As a grown adult I’d got so drunk and pissed myself without realizing it.
I’ve never been so embarrassed. I washed the sheets and got the doona dry-cleaned. The stain, unfortunately, got on the mattress. The reminder of one of the lowest moments in my life … was too great. I went and spent $995 on a new mattress to cover up my night of devastation.
