Embracing Confusion is the Key to Finding Clarity
An idea from Remy Franklin.
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The importance of confusion may seem clear in retrospect. But what do you do in the moment, when nothing is clear, and you feel lost, stuck, or miserable? How can you learn to enjoy this experience as a meaningful moment on the path to personal growth?
The key is to cultivate that curiosity and openness that makes confusing experiences, questions, and conversations interesting. This is a lifelong practice, but it starts with accepting confusion as valuable.
If we learn to linger in confusion, we’re likely to learn our life lessons sooner than we would have otherwise — and with a little more ease. But the present moment discomfort of not understanding is typically strong enough to make most people avoid confusing situations most of the time. This is especially true if clarity comes slowly. The skill is learning to stick with these situations long enough to receive the lessons waiting on the other side.
Can you think of a time in your life when you were very confused? Maybe you were learning a challenging new concept in school, or you were frustrated because you didn’t know what direction to take your career. Perhaps you were questioning your religious upbringing or were unsure if you should stay in a relationship. What happened next?
I’ve found that essential milestones often follow periods of confusion. Before discovering coaching, I spent a very confusing year trying to figure my career out. I had just finished my master’s degree studying renewable energy solutions to climate change, and I wanted to change the world. But jobs in my area of expertise didn’t excite me, so I felt stuck between making a difference and doing work I love. This went on for months until, eventually, I started to ask myself some hard questions: What work do I love doing? What kind of change do I want to create? Through that process, I updated my idea about what it means to “change the world” and began considering options beyond renewable energy. That shift in perspective allowed me to explore coaching and build a career I love.
In school, most of us were taught that confusion was bad, so we tend to think success means knowing the answer. As a result, we feel ashamed or humiliated when we don’t understand something. But in life, avoiding confusion will hinder your personal development. When you find yourself confused, remember the curious art viewers from the study. Try adopting the disposition of an engaged gallery-goer observing something interesting.
Use this metaphor to linger on the confusing topic a little longer than is comfortable. In doing this, you’re opening your mind to the learning available.
Next, begin to pursue confusion actively. One of my favorite questions in coaching is, “What’s not clear?”
By asking this, I prompt my client to search out the confusion they naturally want to ignore. Ask, “What is the thing I don’t want to think about?” As you make a habit of seeking out confusion, you’ll be more likely to engage with ideas, people, and experiences that push you to grow.
The final level in your confusion training is learning to truly savor the discomfort of not understanding. If you ever visit a Buddhist temple in Japan, you’ll likely find the entrance flanked by two dragon-like figures carved in stone. These represent paradox and confusion, which guard the gateway to Truth.
When I feel stuck or confused, I think of these figures and am reminded of how many people have gone through a similar experience before me. We can find joy in discomfort when we learn to celebrate — rather than tolerate — confusion as an essential part of the human journey.
Whether or not you accept confusion as valuable, whether you choose to engage or avoid it, it will be part of your experience. And when it comes, welcome it with open arms.
To read Remy’s article in full, pick up your copy of Mind Cafe Magazine here. Don’t forget to use the discount code ‘SUBSCRIBER10’ for 10% off!
