Everyone Needs a Helping Hand

There’s no shame in seeking help

Julia Base
May 16 · 3 min read
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Being supported by our close ones helps us to cope with emotional and even physical traumas. It is the basis of human relationship, without supporting each other it’s impossible to be happy.

I’ve seen my followers admit that they are tired of being strong, “A-grade students” without flaws, carrying the load all by themselves. When I talk to such people, in 9 out of 10 cases I realize that they can’t get rid of this feeling only because they don’t know how to delegate and share responsibilities in the family. Basically, they don’t know how to accept help, not to mention asking for it.

Why are we afraid of accepting help?

In academic terms, this is all about our fear to be rejected. A fear that, instead of support, we will get indifference or mockery, accusations of being insolvent. Typically, there are two sources of this prejudice:

  1. family, especially difficult relations with parents;
  2. society stereotypes forcing us to be strong and tough.

Even our education process is built on the principle that everybody should do their job without mistakes. People from the former USSR are particularly aware of this issue. Since we were kids, we’ve been taught to be diligent students and not to ask questions. Now when we have grown up, we keep on trying to be perfect, pretending everything’s okay and never talking about real problems to our friends, determined to solve them by ourselves.

The obvious reason for such behavior is fear, or shame to turn out “a troubled one” or weak. We postpone the solution of our issues, allowing them to grow and finally catching us in a vicious circle of powerlessness. The load is getting bigger, and sooner or later our inability to accept help leads to “outburning”.

Asking for help means saving and strengthen relationships

When we help, we feel needed

Not only receiving is important to us, but giving as well. That’s what all the good relationships are built on. And it’s not about burdening your partner or family member with your problems. Anytime you ask for a favor, it should be done in a respectful way, giving the other one the sense of self-worth.

Help is the act of love. Don’t stop others from loving you!

Care and love are all about small things. Let your loved ones help you — this will make him feel better, too.

Don’t be afraid to recall details, remind, and speak frankly

If you want something, speak up. Sometimes our pride and naivety force us to wait for help silently. In this case, the results can be disappointing or even worse, lead to fights. Just learn to ask questions, and you’ll see how it makes things better.

Remember, the ability to ask for help and accept it is a very important and rare skill, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to enjoy your life, you need to know how to give and take, how to provide and accept help. When you find the balance between these two categories, you will see how even the most massive problems can be solved easily. All you need is someone to lean on.

I’m an , coach, and motivational speaker. I have two Diplomas in higher education, speak three languages, and am on track to obtain the Erickson International University Coach certificate.

I organize personalized coaching sessions and am working on a training course about how to become the best version of yourself.

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Julia Base

Written by

Instagram blogger, coach, motivational speaker. I speak three languages and obtain the ICF-accredited coach certificate.

Mind Cafe

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.