How My Psychosis Caused a Serious Gambling Addiction
And how I finally quit
There I am, stooping over my desk, eyes fixed on the computer screen — but I’m not really there. I’m playing online blackjack and I’m up over two thousand dollars. Within a few hours, I go on to not only lose these profits but my entire student loan. Then I sneak out of my house and stalk the empty streets. Weeping hysterically, I call my mom and beg her to bale me out.
When compared with other addictions, gambling is somewhat unique. Certainly, substance use disorders cause untold suffering, but only a gambler can impoverish their family in a single night.
The thing is, from the perspective of those around us, there are often no clear signs we’re hooked — a fact strengthened by our almost superhuman capacity to lie. Yes, secrecy is the bedrock of our double lives.
Until the dam eventually breaks.
The mix of gnawing guilt and despair we gamblers feel is unknown to most. What’s worse, given its ostensibly selfish quality — one suggestive of a complete lack of concern or responsibility — there’s only so much compassion people can give.
Myriad factors contributed to my gambling addiction and it’s impossible to know them all. However, I’ve little doubt my psychosis played a major role. Despite…
