How to Create Space For Uncertainty in an Autistic Mind
Finding emotional stability when our physical reality falls apart.
The door opens, and for a brief moment, I catch a glimpse of what lies beyond the threshold, a life full of light and bright with colour. My carefree friends, boisterous music, dancing, laughter, and happiness. The door shuts.
I never talk about my Aspergers, but this is what my life, riddled with anxiety and labelled with autism, feels like. There’s a life I should be living, places I should be visiting, and experiences I should be able to enjoy, but I’m restricted by the confinement of my mind.
I’m constantly searching for a key to the door that everyone around me has access to. As a result, instead of enjoying my life, I’m stuck with crippling anxiety and a dysfunctional relationship with change, forcing me to remain in the mental cage I’ve created for myself.
However, a couple of weeks ago, all the habits and routines I had built up over the years suddenly fell apart like a house of cards. I was forced to adjust to a new normal as everything in my personal life turned upside down.
Since then, I’ve had to define a new normal and face the reality that I can’t control everything, no matter how much I try to prepare.
