I Hate How Too Nice I Have Become
Keanu Reeves might not be right about this too
I hate how tamed I have become.
I used to be someone whom no one wanted to argue with. And when I said I wanted A, I wanted it to be that way. I was like riding a bulldozer and ploughing anyone who gets in my way.
But that changed when my attitude actually turned people away. I wasn’t proud of it, but I didn’t regret it either.
I think it all started with my mother who told me I liked to talk back like someone I‘m not particularly fond of every time we argued. And when I fought back, it’s like fighting fire with fire.
And after several moment, I’d always end up losing the fight because I’m tired of arguing. I have a lot of things in my head, and I don’t want to add stress.
But this affected my work too, and I hated it.
Being too nice got me in trouble
I began noticing I lost my fire when I just want to hear people’s opinion and not trust my own decision.
It got me in trouble.
I was finishing a design that involves religious holiday wishes and following the company’s brand guidelines.
Suddenly, some guy from of that religion came up to me and said my design was bad. I thought since it’s his religion, I should at least respect it.
Days later, when I was about to post it on our social media, my manager was angry about how we got off the brand guideline. I told her that this guy told me to do something else for the post, then she fired back at me (and I’m completely paraphrasing it):
“You let someone who’s not in our department to tell you how to design???”
And that moment, those words hit me like a sledgehammer.
And I knew I wasn’t who I used to be.
The realization
I began questioning how did I lose my fire. Where did that fearless person go?
Was it because my mother said I liked to talk back that made me quiet? Or was it the time I was too on fire that made people dislike me? Or did I just hate people I just didn’t want to interact with them?
I couldn’t pick a certain point in my life that I became this way. And even those are the cases, that means, it was hard for me to draw a line between work and personal lives. It’s really embarrassing now that I think about it.
The point is: I lost my fire.
And I got too tamed like a dog.
Keanu Reeves might be a little bit wrong
I used to follow his words religiously.
How can I not? He’s the most respected Hollywood actor in the world. When he gave advice, how can we not listen to it? It’s his principles that got him to where he is now in the working world.
Plus, he’s a really nice guy. Fans love and supported him. Even his co-stars.
Tom Cruise also had this habit that made him a leader and producer of his biggest movies. So there’ that.
But I’m starting to feel that it mostly worked for him. And only him.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very nice guy. I really like him. His message about being nice to people is really powerful. That’s why everybody loves him, no one wants to mess with him.
But I think no one wants to mess with him because we all know what he’s capable of with only a pencil.
No one really told us that you got to be a badass first, then you can step the boundary of being nice to others.
People can step all over you for being too nice
In the tv series, House of the Dragon, King Viserys wasn’t really a great king.
He got too nice to the point the Hightowers were able to usurp him. The only time he managed to establish his dominance was when he banished his own brother, who knew Ser Otto’s intention. Although to be fair, Daemon was being too wild.
But I felt like he got mad at the wrong person. He should’ve also grown a spine to his new wife and pulled her leash.
Nevertheless, it’s his weakness that started the Dance of Dragons. He’s too forgiving and accepting of other people’s words that got this started. The worst part is that his daughter, Rhaenyra, was the one who had to clean his mess.
At least, that’s how I see it.
This example showed me that making friends with everyone will only invite snakes into your house. No matter how friendly they look, they could be a psychopath inside.
And if you think that this isn’t true because it’s fiction, it’s not.
Even Aristotle has something to say about it:
“A friend to all is a friend to none.”
If we don’t grow a spine, people can walk all over us.
That’s why I think Keanu Reeve’s quotes cannot be applied here, not when people don’t know who you are and what you are capable of.
So what now?
In a perfect world, perhaps we’d all be like Keanu Reeves.
But we’re not. So now what you may ask?
Truthfully, I don’t know what to do.
You’d think that once you found your problem, you can get an instant solution. Maybe the solution is just to stick to my principles and not let other meddle with my work.
But it’s not as easy as it sounds.
I work in a startup, so gossips tend to spread faster like wildfire. I don’t want to get on my team’s bad side too to the point it’s hard to work together. It’s not their fault for asking me to do stuff, they’re giving an opinion. But I blame my spineless manner that I didn’t reply feedback to it.
I’m also the second youngest person in the business, so I can’t just argue back. Especially with their high status.
But at the same time, I don’t want to be too nice that people started walking all over me.
Not giving an F what people think of me might work, but this will backfire for my whole team. The last thing I want is that my whole team crumbled because of me.
Being alone is one thing, but doing a team project alone is another thing.
I’m really confused.
If you have any suggestions for this, do let me know.
