Its Been a Year since I Left the ‘Influencer’ Life
Here’s why I’ll probably never go back.
A year ago in July 2020, my phone died. Little did I know back then that this was the beginning of my entire life to turn around.
I had a little above 11k followers on Instagram, all organic. I had been blogging about my weight-loss journey since my undergrad in 2015. I also started travelling during my postgrad abroad and my feed had the most gorgeous pictures from over 12 countries, and lots of solo travel stories.
Loyal followers stuck by for years, names I could recognise from the beginning. Most of my followers came from Quora where I had some fitness and travel-related articles go viral.
So my niche was fitness and travel but bundled around inspiring others instead of shoving my travel pictures as I’m living my best life. The only thing that kept me going were numerous messages that I often received on how I inspired somebody to lead a better version of their lives through simple changes like eating healthy or working out or just waking up early.
I used to upload everything around my life as a story. If I ate healthy food, it had calorie count and macronutrients and the recipe mentioned so it inspired most people to eat clean. If I ate junk, I uploaded it so people know that being healthy is a balance of eating healthy and junk.
If it wasn’t food, I’d upload a motivational story. But I definitely uploaded at least one story every day and received really positive responses through the years.
So when my phone died, I deactivated this account. The reason back then was the algorithm because having an inactive account would make me lose followers. I had to get back when I buy another phone, but a year later, that account stands deactivated.
Here’s what happened.
It Brings Out the Devil Hidden Deep inside You
I realised how negative I was on the inside, even though I preached positivity.
Some things are just too normalised for us to perceive them as negative. Don’t believe me? Check out if you indulge in any of the following:
- Dissing others (why does she wear such weird outfits)
- Seeking validation (adding extra filters to appear better)
- Bitching in groups (because you feel you’re better than them)
- Feeling a sense of lack (when you look at others living their best life)
Now these are fun to do and people around you are indulging in it, but that doesn’t make it good. Why? Because all these behaviours are negative blocks of energy that will only affect you.
All these behaviours make you feel a sense of lack, so you do things to feel better. When you feel a lack, you stay in that lack — it’s a downward spiral. These are negative thoughts that are comfortably residing in your mind and body and they’ll only breed more negative thoughts and events.
After I left this life, I realised how negative I was on the inside, even though I preached positivity. But it was also because who doesn’t indulge in petty behaviour on social media? How do you not?
It’s Called Virtual for a Reason
Because it’s not the real world and it's fake. Nobody really cares about what you’re up to because they’re too busy showing off about themselves. Everybody is in a competition to live their best lives, and they’d do anything for it. Such as
- Buying more clothes
- Not repeating outfits if you want to post them
- Taking tutorials to edit pictures and make them look more instaworthy
- Buying whats trending because of a celebrity
Once you leave this, you realise how wondrous life is when it doesn’t revolve around capturing the moment. It doesn’t revolve to dress up and look and be in a certain place to appear a certain way. You just live — and that feeling is so freeing!
Amazing Things Started Happening
In the last few months, here are the 3 coolest things I did:
And the only person who knows and experienced it is me. I didn’t have to scream this to the world. I didn’t have to upload this as a story or get a certain kind of picture clicked that depicts I’m living my best life.
Because for a change, I genuinely am. No, it’s not ideal. It still comprises lots and lots of lows, lows that hit you hard like a rock. But my brain feels like a hard disk that is freed of negativity.
And by removing these negative blocks of energy, I feel the healthiest and happiest I have ever been and I strive to do more. I’ve developed a laser sharp focus like never before. I’ve realised that I enjoy serving others for the greater good. I enjoy helping people via actually doing something for them and not just uploading an inspirational story.
My brain feels like a hard disk that is freed of negativity.
It’s safe to say that love changed it all. You know all that ‘self-love’ that influencers talk about? That actually exists, but looking at self-love quotes and posts isn’t what helps you get there.
It's a different kind of love that makes you love and respect yourself enough to explore and get to know yourself better. It’s the love for others and for everything around you that makes you want to be nicer to others, and not story it.
It’s this feeling of contentment and appreciation in your heart that stays, and brings in good things to you because you become a powerful radiator of positive energy.
A year ago, the idea of life's purpose didn’t exist for me like it does today. This brings me to my last point.
It Got Me Close to My Dream Life, Without Trying Too Hard
Being distracted and engaged not only detaches you from those around you but also from yourself. I didn’t even know life purpose is a doable thing because I believed we do what we’re always told — complete our degrees and grow in our jobs.
When I got out of this rut, I found myself to be a huge misfit in the corporate sector. I didn’t resonate with anything — the promotions, work, structure, appraisals. I tried finding jobs online and realised it’s not the job that's an issue, I’m the issue. I just didn’t realise that within me is a creative energy, and it’s always been there. Funnily, I had a moment of epiphany to be a writer when I was travelling solo in 2018 but my inner voice told me its undoable.
Now that I didn’t spend most of my days bombarded with notifications, looking at hundreds of pictures, and trying to make an effort with my own, I became more aware of myself.
I read and researched more. I started a side hustle. I ultimately even quit my job after my side hustle made me far more money, and am currently living as a self-employed writer. Never would have imagined being capable to do meaningful work and earn well if I didn’t do all this and reach here.
If it didn’t happen, I would’ve been still living a plain life doing a job that makes my Mondays miserable.
Lastly
We have a brief time in this world. What a shame would it be if we don’t even live it.
I’d recommend everybody to try this for once because this is a good side you deserve to feel. Detox your brain from notifications and negativity, let the stress go about what others are up to and the pressure of being in a certain way.
Will I join it back? Maybe someday, if I’m not the one operating it. You know if I become some famous human who needs to get on the ‘gram, but I’ll 100% not use it myself. I did however open a small private account earlier this year, which I download once a week for not over 30 minutes.
Being on this side drastically turned around my life, and it’s only getting better. We have a brief time in this world. What a shame would it be if we don’t even live it.
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