It’s Not OK To Not Be OK
And we need to stop telling people to settle for less.
This is my own personal opinion and it should not be taken as concrete advice. Seek advice from a professional if you think you need help.
There have been many instances where I’ve complained to my husband about my shit days, or about how stressful work is, etc. And it’s been even more annoying when my husband hasn’t just accepted what I said and replied with a rub on the shoulders or a tight hug. He refused to listen to me whine. I felt invalidated and like my feelings didn’t matter to him.
But it turns out, I completely misunderstood his seeming nonchalance for something much more important. And he got so frustrated with me when I didn’t get it.
He would always offer solutions as any man would do. And there’s a notion that, sometimes, women just want someone to listen to them, and they butt heads with their partners when that shoulder to cry on is absent or hostile.
Instead, he always felt the desire to uplift me to his level. He would suggest solutions to my problems instead, or he’d try to make me see how they weren’t huge to begin with. Or worse, he’d distract me with humour to cheer me up.
Over time, I came to understand that his inability or reluctance to comfort me wasn’t a…
