Telling Someone to Calm Down Won’t Help them Cope
Learn why and what you should do instead.
It’s 2:00 A.M. and you can’t sleep. Your heart is racing a million miles per hour and you’re sweating like you’re in a sauna. You keep running through the scenario in your head over and over. You keep rewinding through the conversation, word by word.
You tell yourself over and over: “I’m so stupid and awful, no wonder I got dumped.” Perhaps you’ll figure out the exact point in the conversation where things went wrong. You can interrogate the scenario from every angle until you figure it out.
But that’s not productive. You call your friend instead. You frantically explain the situation, trying your best not to cry. But all your friend does is ask you to “just calm down.” I’m sure I’m not the only person that’s heard these three words. The person telling you to calm down is genuinely trying to help.
It’s not their fault. Most of us don’t learn how to deal with a friend or family member in need. We tend to learn about the nitty-gritty of mental health when we experience it ourselves. But I’m also unaware of any situation where telling someone to calm down worked. Here’s why.
