The 3 Keys to Becoming Attractive
And having an infectious energy
Have you ever been around someone that radiates absolutely infectious energy?
You know the kind. It surrounds them like an aura, and you feel compelled to hang out with them as much as possible because you always enjoy the hell out of your time with them when you do. You’re attracted to them like a magnet. Not in a sexual way, but out of sheer love for who they are. I’ve always wondered how people become that way. What’s their secret?
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how to live a happy and fulfilling life. I thought about all the people I hang around with most, and I thought about the people I don’t get to see much but really wish I could — the people I look up to, the ones that I find attractive and those that really make my life worth living.
Not surprisingly, most of the people that came to mind have quite a few things in common. I think I’ve stumbled upon the key to radiating infectiously happy energy, and it all comes down to three things.
1. Do the Things You Enjoy
“It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.” — Seneca
Think back to the last time your life prevented you from doing something you wanted. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Because chances are you won’t have to think too far back. Life, with all of its responsibilities and time constraints, frequently thwarts your attempts at doing stuff you enjoy.
For example, chances are you wanted to sleep in this morning, or spend some extra time with your kids or pets, or have a little romp in the sack with your partner.
But no, there’s life, being all in-the-way-and-shit.
I’ve realized that there’s one key difference between people who are miserable and those who are happy — the happy ones prioritize and make time for things they enjoy. They don’t make excuses, and they don’t complain when things don’t work out exactly as planned.
They go out there. They make it happen. And most importantly, they enjoy what they do. There’s nothing more attractive and inspiring than a person that just does what they love — whether in their work or downtime.
This kind of living is infectious. It motivates those around you to do more of what they love, and they find themselves having a great time whenever they’re with you.
As simple as it sounds, doing more of what you love will bring you happiness as you’ve never experienced in your life.
2. Don’t Be Embarrassed by the Things You Enjoy
“If you’re OK with being clumsy, it’s funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you.” — Leo Howard
It’s hard enough to muster up the courage to do what makes you happy. It’s even worse when others shame you for doing just that.
A perfect recent example of this from my life is K-Pop (Korean Pop for those you out of the loop). The other week I discovered a K-Pop playlist on Spotify that was absolute fire. I’d heard of K-Pop before but hadn’t ever been properly introduced to it (my only previous experience was Babymetal).
Having been introduced to this entirely new genre of catchy-as-hell music, I fell down the K-Pop rabbit hole rather quickly, listening to all kinds of different groups and watching scandalous videos my teen self would’ve traded an arm and a leg to see.
You know how amped listening to one of your favorite songs makes you feel? That’s how I felt that whole morning after discovering K-Pop. I felt like I had to tell everybody, and since I was at work, I started sharing with some colleagues at the office.
“It’s pretty good but kinda weird. I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”
“Hm, strange.”
“What the heck am I watching right now?”
They looked at me like I had just made them watch tentacle porn and assumed I had some sort of Asian girl fetish (not that there’s anything wrong with that either, if you’re into that kinda thing — power to you!)
It sucked to have something that I thought was awesome be turned into a steaming pile of shit right in front of my face. But you know what? F ‘em.
I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a handful of close-minded people rob me of what little happiness there is to go around in this world. So instead of being shamed away from my new “fetish”, I sat quietly at my desk and worked while listening to it for the rest of the day, enjoying the hell out of my music all by myself.
Later that evening, I went home and hopped into Discord to chat with one of my good friends. I told him about what happened and he came swooping in to save the day, like my knight in shining armor.
“Who gives a f*ck dude? Don’t be embarrassed by something like that. Listen to whatever you want. Besides, some of that stuff is extremely catchy.”
And just like that, I felt right back at peace with the world.
The point of this story is that some people are assholes and try to label “out of the norm” things as weird or shameful. As long as what you’re doing doesn’t harm anyone else, then, by all means, enjoy it. Do what you love.
Live like the drunk guy alone on the dance floor by himself killing it without a care in the world. The stuff you nerd-out about is what makes you, you — and it also makes you interesting, infectious, and awesome.
3. Ask Others About the Things They Enjoy
“You aren’t learning anything when you’re talking.” — Lyndon B. Johnson
I had this friend in college who I loved being around. She was a girl but we never dated or hooked up or anything like that. I just legitimately enjoyed her company and the way I felt around her. She had some seriously infectious energy.
And it wasn’t just me that felt it. Everyone she talked to loved being around her. I’ve legitimately never seen someone so god-damn liked by everyone she interacted with. It was astounding and puzzling at the same time.
Eventually, though, I figured it out. As I watched her talk to another guy from class, a light bulb went off in my head. “Oh my God, that’s it!”
Her secret weapon was so simple. So simple, in fact, that I actually picked it up from a subpar relationships-related article on the internet. You just need to keep asking questions about the other person — like you’re always on a first date with everybody you talk to.
The most important thing about this girl, though, was that she never had to pretend — she was legitimately super interested in your life and whatever you had to say. It was unbelievably refreshing and infectious, to say the least.
Thanks to her, I strive to focus less on myself in conversations and more on the other person. It’s actually rather hilarious noticing how often I’m tempted to talk about myself.
I also try to keep more friends like her around. While she was certainly one of a kind, I’ve met quite a few others since who are joyfully infectious, and I intend on continuing that trend for the rest of my life.
Happiness follows happiness. So go where the happy people are and watch what the happy people do.
Originally published at www.themonklife.net on February 18, 2019.
