The Downward Journey of Purpose

What do you want to be, now you’ve grown up?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

It used to follow you around every step of the way. The question that gave so much certainty and yet so much surprise. It was about what you wanted, and you could want to be anything. Because the elusive destination of growing up was so far away, you were certain training to be an astronaut, a gymnast and a marine biologist were all possible in the time you had left.

Now you’re there, and it’s not about what you want at all. You have wanted many of the things that led you here, sure, but not the big thing. No one’s asking the question anymore and it’s a relief, because how would you answer that, now you’ve grown up, you’ve become something you couldn’t even imagine being needed, back when you were a child? You still sometimes wonder if it is needed at all.

As you do all your chores and cook a wholesome meal for your friends on a Saturday, you wonder distantly why no one ever answers the question with “happy”, “stable” or “a good friend”. You still want to be things, but aren’t sure if they count. You want to be less anxious, more confident, more decisive. You want to be loved.

Is loved an identity? A purpose? You’ve read a few too many books that teach the Japanese art of…