The Library of Forgotten Selves

A cancer doctor reflects on memory, burnout, and what we lose long before the diagnosis.

“Somewhere in this infinite library, I have already forgotten myself — and written it down.” — Jorge Luis Borges.

Some forget birthdays.

Others forget names.

But burnout makes us forget ourselves — and we don’t even notice it happening.

1. The Diagnosis No Scan Can Catch

As a radiation oncologist, I diagnose disease with precision: tumors, brain bleeds, metastases.

But there’s another condition I see daily — one without a scan, one no test can prove:

The quiet vanishing of the self.

It doesn’t begin with forgetting names or birthdays.

It starts with forgetting how you feel when you’re not performing.

2. What Burnout Really Does to the Brain

Burnout is not a buzzword.

It’s a structural change.

• Chronic stress shrinks the hippocampus, the brain’s memory vault.
• It disrupts the default mode network, the inner narrative voice.
• It mimics early dementia — disorientation, emotional flatness, and fractured recall.