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The Paradox of Selflessness: People Pleasing and My Ongoing Journey to Liberation

The Perils and Peculiarities of People-Pleasing: A Guide to Flattering Everyone Except Yourself

Charles Black M.D.
Mind Cafe
7 min readDec 29, 2024

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Image created by the author using Canva

I’m a recovering people pleaser.

I hate to admit that, but it’s true.

For far too long, I operated under the delusion that it was noble (if also exhausting) to sacrifice my wants in service to the needs of others.

As a physician, this made sense. People needed me to care for them. When an injured or ill patient presents to the hospital, I have a legal and ethical responsibility to care for them.

It took me too long to realize that I had an obligation to myself and if I didn’t care for myself, I couldn’t show up at my best to meet my responsibilities to others.

To the untrained eye, people pleasing might seem like the pinnacle of altruism. However, this self-sacrificial charade can be anything but charitable and, if left unchecked, can lead to serious harm to both people’s pleasures and those who depend on them.

What is a People Pleaser?

People pleasers dedicate themselves to a noble creed: making everyone happy, regardless of personal cost.

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Mind Cafe
Mind Cafe

Published in Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Charles Black M.D.
Charles Black M.D.

Written by Charles Black M.D.

Dr. Charles Black is a general surgeon, author, photographer, outdoorsman, world traveler and fireside philosopher. Website:https://chuckbphilosophy.com

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