The Serious Conversation Most New Couples Never Have
Sex, kids, and finances matter. But core values are a relationship dealbreaker.
Deep, intimate, complex, winding, sometimes triggering, evolving conversation. I love it.
It can be personal, professional, or political, as long as it’s profound. I now cultivate friendships and relationships with those who crave it too, like how others have buddies for shopping or with whom they play basketball.
But a few years ago, I ended up dating a handsome defense attorney who spent his days laboring in an unjust, racist, and bogged-down legal system.
When he got home after a long day of frustrating and often thankless work, he usually just wanted to relax. We’d watch cooking shows on Netflix, eat home-cooked meals together, snuggle on the couch, or do other fun couple activities. And I loved sharing that with him.
But we only talked deeply when he was up for it.
When he was, he philosophized with the best of them. However, my experience of this great joy of my life was more or less contingent on his mental energy level.
In healthy relationships, each partner has others who play the various roles that fulfill their needs. Your partner can’t always be your travel…
