The Split Life: Are You Suffering Because of Your Shoulds and Oughts

Suffering comes from a split between who you are and who you think you should be, but there is a better way.

Photo by Charles Black and courtesy of Chuck Black Photography

You can be satisfied with your life as it is right now. All you need to do is live without being ruled by thoughts of how it should be or how you ought to act.

For too long, I tried to live as I thought I should. I put in the long hours expected of a surgeon and sacrificed everything for my patients like a good doctor ought to. Ultimately, I became a reluctant physician who gave my time and effort grudgingly and without enthusiasm. I was not the doctor nor the person I could be, and both myself and my patients suffered for it.

The path back to being a caring physician and a healthy person was to focus less on what I thought I should be and more on who I was.

I Was Removed From the Life I Had Known

Entering a surgical residency (the five or more years of in-hospital training to be a surgeon) is like joining a cult. The long hours, nights, weekends, and holidays separate you from your old life as effectively as being locked away in a cult compound. Once isolated, you are inculcated with a new set of rules and beliefs drilled…