These 3 Unconscious Behaviors Are Sabotaging Your Happiness

Notice the repeating patterns that don’t contribute to your well-being.

Begüm Erol
Mar 2 · 3 min read
Photo by Maksim Goncharenok from Pexels

Happiness isn’t majorly attached to our external world unlike what we think. We shape our reality based on how we perceive ourselves and show up as individuals every day.

When other people are involved, it even gets more complicated to show up authentically and behave in the most beneficial way to everyone. Sometimes we even sacrifice what is essential to us to avoid conflicts.

The following behaviors are what most of us do unconsciously and don’t realize that they actually lead to our unhappiness.

1. You Might Be Over-Apologizing to Fit in

Apologizing and owning our responsibility when we make a mistake is one of the noblest things to do. It shows that we’re confident enough to acknowledge ourselves with our flaws.

But sometimes apologizing becomes the repeating pattern that we even say sorry to feel in a certain way to not create awkwardness in a conversation.

Research shows that when we apologize for things we have little control over, other people may think less of ourselves. And the most important is we can lower our self-worth.

If you’re over-apologizing for not looking good enough or coughing in the middle of a meeting, embrace your imperfection and humanness.

Know where to draw the line between owning your responsibility and trying to fix everything on your own just to avoid conflict. This usually happens when a couple of people are involved in a mistake and only one is brave enough to show up for the solution.

2. Say No When It Doesn’t Feel a Full Body Yes

I used to say yes to things even if they didn’t feel like a hell yes! There is nothing wrong with getting along with people. But if it’s to fill an emotional hunger it’ll make us unhappy eventually as we leave ourselves for others.

When ideas conflict, try the “agree to disagree” method. First, come to a mutual understanding and acknowledge someone else’s opinion. And then share your authentic view. This creates a safe space to open up a respectful conversation that welcomes differences.

If your pattern is to hang out with people who sabotage your happiness, spend time alone. Instead of being in the wrong places just to be social, try new things and discover yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet like-minded people while doing things that make you happy.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

3. You Don’t Have to Figure out Everything at Once

What Covid19 brought to our lives is the need to be over-productive. We all wanted to move forward while being stuck at home. How many of us didn’t think of starting a side hustle or learning a new language?

While all these things are great, not finding enough time or energy to achieve them has caused us not to feel enough. We left the present time and started to live with anxiety in the unknown future.

If you have difficulty feeling enough, fire up your imagination. Remember a time that you were proud of yourself. Remember how long it took you to get there. Take one tiny step in front of the other as you follow what lights you up daily. One day soon, what you want to do will be clear.

Another way to stop sabotaging our happiness as we focus on our dreams is to observe our minds. Be playful about it. Talk to your anxious mode like “Oh look, there I am being anxious again.” You’ll separate yourself from the thinking mind and come back to the present moment.

What to Take Away

Notice what story shows up in your life over and over again. Observe if any of your unconscious behaviors may be contributing to that result.

When you know what it is, take action and start the change. Know the boundary between over-giving and staying loyal to your happiness.

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Begüm Erol

Written by

Certified Yoga and Meditation Teacher. Freelance writer whose passion is to empower others through mindfulness. IG: @begumerol_

Mind Cafe

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

Begüm Erol

Written by

Certified Yoga and Meditation Teacher. Freelance writer whose passion is to empower others through mindfulness. IG: @begumerol_

Mind Cafe

Mind Cafe

Relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness.

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