Things “R” Us: Why We Buy Things
Turns out not all purchases are bad for us.
As the cashier at Zara rang up my items and told me the total, I gulped a little. Oh boy, I didn’t realized I had picked up that many things. I was almost tempted to stop her and just walk away without buying anything.
May I also remind you that this transpired in the midst of the pandemic where there are so many restrictions on visiting public spaces that my husband I barely went anywhere? Meaning, I was buying cute outfits for imaginary getaways and outings.
Nevertheless, I paid for my items and then guiltily returned a third of it the week after because some of the purchases felt pointless after my initial dopamine high at the store.
In the Marie Kondo multiverse that includes the book: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, the Netflix shows and its all-encompassing philosophy surrounding tidying up and life transformation, Marie tells us to only keep things that spark joy. It may sound perhaps a little woo-woo to some, but I think when you look a little deeper, it makes sense.
When we look around ourselves, how many things do we own that has actually brought us any joy? An example would be our overflowing wardrobes; most of the things makes us feel fat, out-of-shape or God forbid, uncool.
We lament about not having anything to wear whilst at the same time, have many things left unworn with the tags attached. We buy shoes that hurt our feet and wallets. We buy bags that we’ve had to starve for the last six months to afford.
Most of us know that we do not need half the things we own, yet we find it hard to stop coveting newer, shinier things, why?
Before we can own, we must shop.
For some, shopping gives us that big hit of dopamine that makes us feel good. Cruelly, that hit of dopamine is short-lived and we find that we need to shop more to feel that same high.
Not all shoppers are made equal of course, there are compulsive shoppers who shop when they feel stressed or anxious or depressed, bargain shoppers who buy things on sale even if they are not needed and “bulimic” shoppers who purchase many items and then return them because they can’t afford them or feel an acute case of buyer’s remorse.
Perhaps you are simply a casual shopper, meaning it is not an addiction because it is not affecting your life drastically. I know when I get bored, I got to the malls. Not always with the intention of shopping but along the way, you do to pass the time and sometimes you walk away with more things than you wanted to.
Buying for our future selves.
We tend to buy things with an unrealistic view of whom we will become, what we would be doing, and we think that our priorities and preferences now will always stay the same. For example, we buy smaller clothes for when we lose the weight or resort wear for the beach holiday we might eventually go on.
Sometimes, we buy kitchen equipment with the idea that we would finally adopt a different lifestyle, one filled with juicing for example. Do you have a $200 juicer enthusiastically used for about a week and then left untouched in your cupboard? Asking for a friend obviously. 😊
Sometimes, that future does not come. In time, things are forgotten and we move on with our lives. When we start decluttering, that’s when we realize that the person we were shopping for never existed anyway.
Things are an extension of who we are.
It is no secret that we like luxury items and especially items with distinctive logos that tell other people how much those things cost. It tells people about our status, our wealth and our success in life. All you need to do is look on Instagram for all the people flaunting their wealth and lifestyle to witness how pervasive it is.
Some of the most expensive items in a woman’s wardrobe are her designer handbags with obvious designs that tell people exactly what brands they are and most importantly, how much they cost.
Have you ever been tempted to buy imitation handbags or perhaps did buy some not so authentic designer bags?
Don’t be ashamed, we’ve all done it. We have all come across these counterfeit bags especially across travels in Asian countries where they are sold quite unabashedly.
The truth is, many of us are willing to buy and use these products even though we know they are fake because using it boosts our self-presentation goals; we want to present ourselves in the best light we can and often with status symbols.
Additionally, research also shows that we value original art works higher than copies that are basically identical. We even feel more pleasure when we drink expensive wines and think it tastes better too.
Not only do we buy stuff, we find it hard to let go too.
Have you ever tried to declutter? It’s hard isn’t it?
We watch shows about organizing our things and think that we can do that easily. Many of us also watch shows about hoarders with intrigue, a little disgust and some sympathy. We think to ourselves that we would never let ourselves get to that stage and how can anyone live like that? Why can’t they just let go of their stuff?
The psychology behind hoarding is complex and not one to get into here but the main reasons for hoarding are that the items hold sentimental value, the items were a bargain, and it would be a waste to throw them out. Sometimes the things surrounding the hoarder makes them feel comforted, safe with the void in their lives temporarily filled.
Just like how our things start defining who we are, the hoarder’s identity become ingrained in his/her possessions. Without their things, they can feel lost and disoriented. Initially, the hoarder’s possessions sparked joy for him/her but in time, the things start to represent a source of anxiety and embarrassment for the hoarders. Yet, they still can’t let it go.
Doesn’t that also describe how we feel about our things at times as well?
What can we do about our urge to buy and own things?
We must remember that things do not define us. They are just, things.
Having the latest, trendiest, most expensive item regardless of what it is, will not bring you the fulfillment or satisfaction you are looking for.
Instead, look at purchasing items in terms of how well it would fit your life and personality. A study has found that people who purchased products that fit their personality such as an introverted person spending money on books instead of a night out clubbing for example reported a high sense of satisfaction in life.
Another popular notion is that spending on experiences like a vacation may make us happier but research suggests that it depends on the individual and that for some, the happiness from buying an item lasts longer than spending on an experience would.
At the end of the day, buying what you want and not need is not a sin. What you need to determine however, is just how much joy you will really get out of it and how it will fit into your life. I mean, I know that owning the Tiffany yellow diamond necklace will certainly give me plenty of joy. But that’s just me :)
What are your thought about buying and owning things we don’t necessarily need but perhaps, want? Tell us about it.
read our print magazine for free
when you sign up to mind cafe’s newsletter, you’ll gain instant access to four articles from mind cafe’s gorgeous print magazine totally for free. click here to join.
