Three Simple Ways to Cope With Anything
Be it change, trauma or loss
Coping with change is tough. Whether moving away to college, choosing a new career path or breaking up with a long-term partner, change, at the best of times, can feel very difficult to adjust to.
Accustomed to our everyday reality, sudden switches in our routine leave us feeling lost and disheartened, alienated in a world that once felt so familiar.
Aversion to change is a completely natural feeling to experience. We’re animals, and as animals, we adapt to cope with environments that we recognise. Throw a polar bear into the middle of the Saharan desert and it, too, would feel scared and alone.
‘We all have fear of the unknown, what one does with that fear will make all the difference in the world.’ — Lillian Russel
But what do we do with it?
The Most Important Relationship You’ll Ever Have
Last year, I left home and moved to university in a completely new city. Whilst everything else changed enormously, one thing remained constant — my partner. Having him nearby made a huge difference, an element of familiarity in a world of strangers.
But this year, he isn’t in the same city. My support system was taken away, leaving me alone to figure out how to make sense of an entirely new environment.
We all have a natural tendency to depend upon external things to keep us happy — boyfriends, our home town, alcohol, drugs, jobs, material possessions. And while these things may provide an enormous amount of comfort, we can’t expect them to be there forever. Granted, they remain by our side for the remainder of our lives. But if they don’t, if those very things that were keeping us happy are taken away — then what?
A few weeks into my second year I realised that, no matter how much our world’s twist and transform throughout our lifetimes, one thing remains constant. Us.
Indeed, our personalities and looks and everything about us may well change entirely, but through it all, we’ll always be here to keep ourselves company.
In order to cope with anything that life throws at us, be it change, trauma or loss, the first step is to learn to love ourselves. When we’re happy with the person we are inside, losing things on the outside becomes much more bearable.
We can rest assured knowing that we’ll be accompanied by the best possible companion, a companion that’ll always be there to comfort us no matter what happens. By loving ourselves, we can take solace in the fact that we’ll always have ourselves — and that makes us pretty damn lucky.
Go With the Grain
The anxiety associated with a change in environment is often linked with a lack of purpose. In such times, it can help to turn our focus inwards and consider how to improve ourselves.
Take an extra course, sign up for a gym membership, make friends with your new colleagues — instead of grieving over your old life and the changes that have taken place, focus on how to make your new life better.
This will mean entirely different things for different people. It might mean improving your social skills and forcing yourself to meet new people, or seeking counsel from a therapist and confronting your anxiety once and for all, or taking a leap of faith and setting up that business you’ve been dreaming about.
Instead of resisting change, embrace it. Use it to make change positive changes in yourself.
Instead of going against the grain of change, wishing for a life that belongs in the past, welcome it wholeheartedly. Let it motivate you to become the best possible version of your current self.
Focus on This Moment
When our lives change dramatically, it’s easy to contemplate how things used to be, wishing that we could rewind time and relive days gone by. But these tendencies will only make us feel miserable and out of touch with the beauty of today.
‘The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.’ — Thich Nhat Hanh
If you consider a moment in your life during which you felt particularly anxious, you’ll probably notice that during that moment you were pretty wrapped up in your own thoughts. Were you mindful of what was going on around you, or were you worrying about something that wasn’t even happening?
Dwelling on the mistakes we may have made during yesterday’s presentation or feeling nervous about tomorrow’s flight, we aren’t thinking about now — the hot mug of coffee in our hands or the soft grass under our feet. Instead, we’re preoccupied with thoughts of the past and the future, worried about what has happened or what might come to be. We neglect small, wonderful aspects of this moment that could bring us so much joy if only we would notice them.
Many of our anxieties arise when we lose touch with the present moment. During times of change, turning our attention to what is going on right now, be it a conversation with a loved one or the crisp air during our morning run, can quickly resolve our anxiety.
In the words of The Minimalists,
Oxygen is anxiety’s enemy.
Take a deep breath, recenter your focus on this moment, and observe as your anxious thoughts and troublesome mind slowly begin to quieten.
The Takeaway
Throughout the stresses of trauma, change and loss, with anxiety permeating your every thought — remind yourself that everything will be okay. In order to cope with whatever life hurls at you, practice the following:
- Love yourself. As cheesy and cliché as it sounds, be kind to yourself. Love who you are. The most important relationship is the relationship you have with yourself; master this, and you’ll have the greatest companion in the world by your side throughout anything.
- Go with the grain. Whatever changes are taking place, use them as motivation to change yourself. Don’t grieve over your old life, but instead, focus on how to make your new life as good as it can be.
- Tune into now. Instead of getting lost in your own head, feeling anxious about the situation you find yourself in, tune into this moment. Be mindful, focusing on now instead of yesterday or tomorrow. Take a walk, meditate, read a book. Channel your awareness into this moment.
