Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?
Self-compassion isn’t self-indulgence or selfishness. It’s necessary.
Most of us aspire to high emotional intelligence; it’s held up as the path to career success and life satisfaction. One of the elements of high emotional intelligence is empathy. We tune into what someone else is experiencing and respect their right to feel what they are feeling. We are non-judgmental and accepting. So, why is it easy for us to have empathy for others and hard to have it for ourselves?
We criticize and condemn ourselves in language we would never use with someone else. It’s as if we must be harder with ourselves and less tolerant of our human foibles and emotions than we are with others. We feel that if we show ourselves compassion, we’re being self-indulgent and selfish.
My mother worked fulltime, and my grandmother took care of me when I was a child. Nana wasn’t the Hallmark-card grandmother; she was distant and unyielding. For her, demonstrating anything that smacked of selfishness or self-indulgence was met with stern disapproval. I had to let my friends play with my dolls and be gracious when they broke them. I always had to step aside and let others go first or choose first — even other kids. While it is important to teach children to be considerate of others and be polite, it can go a bit awry if…
