Is Your Growth a Result of Your Choice or a Compulsion?
“I want to become better than myself, every single day.”
“I need to be better than who I was yesterday.”
“Don’t be the same; be better!”
“Growth is life.”
All these words seem amazing and inspiring, but why does one have this deep-rooted need for growth?
People are trying so many different things to feel a sense of growth. Some are trying to build muscles, to look fairer, trying hard to score better marks, to earn a lot of money, to lose weight, to gain weight, to have better communication skills, to be more productive, to be more spiritual or religious, to buy a better house or a car and the list goes on. Not saying that there is anything wrong with trying to make one’s life better, but it shouldn’t be a compulsive because instead of leading to satisfaction, this compulsion can lead to frustration and guilt in the long run.
WHAT IS COMPULSIVE GROWTH?
There is a lot of buzz about ‘personal growth’ in today’s world. Although there is nothing wrong in trying to be a better person, one must think about where is this need to grow or to become better coming from. Is it a conscious choice or is it coming from a deeply rooted sense of lack in one’s life?
This need for growth can be driven by a mix of many different emotional needs like:
- Need to feel complete,
- Need to be appreciated,
- Need to feel worthy of love,
- Lack of self-esteem,
- Lack of belongingness and so on.
A simple way to check whether you focusing on growth (in any area of your life) is a choice or a compulsion, is as follows:
See whether you are happy during the process of growth or you are too stuck on the outcome of the process.
The feeling of ‘lack’ or ‘scarcity’ which leads to compulsive growth can be there because of many reasons:
- Unrealistic parental expectations,
- Lack of resources at home during childhood
- Feeling not good enough (self-doubt) after breakup or similar incident,
- Bullying in childhood or teenage,
- Social isolation,
- Lack of love & affection during childhood
- Lack of parental support (including financial)
If you continue to grow compulsively, no doubt you might achieve certain goals. But will you be happy? Let us know in the comments below!
Originally published at blog.mindsolace.com on September 8, 2017.
