Forgiveness: A personal philosophy of Truth
There is a Judeo-Christian prayer that says, “And forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”, this prayer or meditation as I like to call it, sets a precondition for absolution. It says that if we wish to be forgiven of our sins and iniquities by the higher power that we serve the condition was and is such that we need to first forgive those who have wronged us.
This leads me to the subject of this post, to desire truth is to first and foremost deal with that which creates falsehood. Oftentimes we tend to forget the role that we play in our own lives. Our perception of ourselves is always through the lens of a perfect version of who we want to be. We never look at ourselves for who we truly are.
In the world today, we are always fighting against something and or someone, imaginary or not. We are constantly forming enemies in our heads so that we may justify the actions that we are doing. Seneca the great stoic philosopher says that such behavior is proof of amathia (a lack of wisdom).
I believe that life is one constant dialogue between the vera natura (true self) and the self I want to portray to the world. Granted, none of us want to show our true nature to the world, (that thing is scary). At our core we are nasty and selfish, we desire nothing but that which benefits us.
Forgiveness is a multi-faceted concept, for it requires for us not only to forgive others in order that we may be forgiven but that we may forgive ourselves for the transgressions and the sins that we have committed against ourselves.
By this I mean that we oftentimes exist in a realm of denial and this creates disingenuousness, we develop the feeling that we are not being an extension of ourselves but that we are living through a facade.
Forgiveness is a virtue, when we understand this, we come to realize that first and foremost, others are unaffected by us not forgiving them. Whether we forgive or not their lives continue however the one who is affected is the self.
Unforgiveness blocks our vision, we become consumed by the offense that has been made against us that we fail to see the counterless other possibilities that avail themselves to us.
Unforgiveness is not a virtue
Is there ever a time when we sit and ask ourselves what role have we played in how things have turned out in our lives?
“Forgive ourselves over and over and over again. Then try to be better next time.” -Epictetus
In the pursuit of truth, we have to learn the multi-faceted nature of forgiveness, we have to learn to forgive ourselves for what we have done to others and what we have done to ourselves. We have to learn how we have played a role in the way things are.
Mind you now, I am not a guru nor do I wish to come across as one however, I do believe that in order for us to be the best versions of ourselves, we need to be honest with ourselves and about what we are doing. Many of us want some level of comfort in this world but are not prepared to take the necessary steps to achieve that comfort.
“It is the disciplined ones who are free in life”- Eluid Kipchoge
To be able to forgive and be forgiven, requires a certain level of self-discipline and self-control, when we begin to come to terms with the various truths in our lives we begin to realize that our life choices are the results of ill-disciplined actions.
True freedom is achieved by achieving a certain level of mastery through self-discipline. This level of discipline requires one to understand the very things that make them who they are and why they are where they are.
Eliud Kipchoge, explains that for him to be able to break the world record in marathon running and do what no man before him has ever done before, it required a deep level of commitment to his endeavor, this primarily required for him to accept that which he could and could not control.
It also required him to become a master and not a slave to his passions and desires. In this way, although he cannot control the future, he can control his reactions to whatever the outcome.
Oftentimes when we do not forgive ourselves for what we could not do, we see ourselves as not being able to do the things which we wanted to do. Unforgiveness creates resentment, and there is no greater death than the death caused by self resentment. This resentment clouds us from seeing what we are worth and what we are truly capable of. The lack of forgiveness creates an atmosphere that is not conducive to personal growth.
The misconception is always that we forgive when we have been wronged by others, forgiveness is a multi-faceted concept, we forgive others and we forgive ourselves and we are eventually forgiven (if you believe in the existence of a higher power that is).
Lastly, stoics remind us that our focus should be to achieve apatheia (a state of mind in which one is not disturbed by the passions). Unforgiveness is rooted in pain and deep hurt. It is rooted in judgment, the judgment that we impose on others and ourselves.
Our goal then should be to attain a state of mind that guards us against the disturbances of these passions and feelings. It is through this that we will learn to forgive.
