In From The Cold
Not a lot has changed in the world it seems. I’ve spent the last year focused on recovery from alcohol abuse, and though I haven’t been locked in a padded room; in some ways, it feels like I stepped away and came back.
Life as it is is just the same. I never stopped living it, I only changed my perception by gaining perspective. Now I try to focus more on what’s important and good for my future, rather than what’s insignificant and over; speaking of focus, my lukewarm rebrewed Folgers is still here waiting for me, after hours of perseverating on my brief return to non-existence over the weekend. It’s over though, and my tax returns are on the way, my homework is done, and my budget for the next two weeks is set; still, I can’t help feeling that I should’ve gotten out of the apartment more, oh well…
Everyday won’t be an inspiring success story written in neon across the sky. Some days are just reserved for streaming shows and junk food. I think I needed it after my week. An embarrassing minor mistake at work, an overly dramatic rejection by the woman I was dating, a human resources issue with a coworker, and a rejection for a promotion I applied for. So I treated myself to a little luxury, then locked myself away to recharge and still managed to be productive. It seems like a rough week doesn’t it? But on the upside my mistake inspired me to renew my focus at work and come up with a solution, the rejection showed me that I should trust my instincts with potential lovers and keep being myself, the human resources issue gave me affirmation that I am composed and professional even under unwarranted scrutiny, and the promotion rejection was good practice for me in trying to break into more professional rolls as well as an opportunity for me to highlight my positives and show my willingness to grow and learn to the people I work for.
only a few more weeks of class, then I’m taking the summer off to try to enjoy life and save up for the fall semester. I know those two things don’t seem to go together, but they will.
How we get along in life, depends a lot on our perspective. Seeing things for what they are. Seeing ourselves for what we are, and where we are. Knowing where we’re going and why. I didn’t waste a whole weekend, shit, it’s not over yet and here I am writing this piece. I didn’t have it in me to be social or explore or even do much of anything creative; but, even as I type this, I’ve come to realize that I’m living a pretty decent life right now and that’s enough. I’ve learned to be okay with me, and to be enough for me.
Everyday isn’t a triumph, but they can be steps in the right direction, as long as I fail forward. Each rough week is followed by an opportunity to recharge and comeback stronger. That’s what I’ll do this week and the next and so on, because I want more than this old apartment and lukewarm coffee. Doing the work everyday and walking the new path with my eyes ahead, shrinks the distance between me and my dreams…
