Is it time for change?
Some old familiar feelings aren’t good. We’ve all thought back on our first day of school or our first kiss, or the day we got our drivers license, or the day we landed that dream job and relived all of the sensations that came with those experiences; excitement, joy, anticipation, affection, pride and so on. Sometimes we also think back on hard times, and those sensations are not so great, especially when we begin to relive them as a mood-congruent memory. What if we’re reliving those sensations because our lives are taking on a similar tone to past woes? Then it’s most likely time to initiate a change in your life.
Recently I’ve made some moves in my life in an attempt to counter adversity that are admittedly difficult to maintain. My support system, wasn’t really much of a support system, so I’ve decided to try to grow and foster my own independence. This process hasn’t unfolded without mistakes, I’ve made some that are reminiscent of past behavior, but I’ve also worked to fortify my own self-reliance and ability to succeed; this, is the real test for me.
The truth is, That I’ve just had to remember and accept lately that I want more. I want more than what my family and my community have given me, or than what they currently have to offer. I’ve realized that I’m too smart to be a forklift driver or a welder, and I’m also too smart to just settle for a decent paycheck and benefits. Some might think I’m delusional, but I want to make a sincere positive impact on the world. I don’t know how I will at this point, as of now I’m still figuring out how to bridge that gap, between where I am and what I want to be. I’m still looking for my meaning, even though I’m very close to knowing who I really am.
Change has never been easy for me. I often perseverate on the cause and effect long after it’s done; so much so, that I’ll faulter and begin to despise my surroundings, leading to a push back and a reemergence. I just cannot abide mediocrity, in my life and the lives of those I love. It oppresses and depresses me to the point that I begin to break down, right before I break free.
That’s how I know. Recently, I began to feel that my life in its current state just isn’t enough; I’m not searching for perfect, I’m just searching for better. The beauty of capitalism and the ever more elusive American dream, comes from our endless number of chances. I have failed so frequently in my life that it appears outwardly like a “scarlet letter” for the unaccomplished; yet, here I am, still. I am learning everyday that I need to trust myself more. When something doesn’t feel right I have to trust my intuition and change course rather than trying to make the best of it. I’m not talking about running from my problems, but rather, recognizing when something is no longer serving me before I descend into complete dissatisfaction and dysfunction. I can act before my mind tears me toward less favorable endings to the situations I abhor.
The key is to do the math and think rationally, when our intuition tells us that our situation is unfavorable. Give each instinct five thoughts to avoid impulsive changes. By the fifth we’ve usually reached, or are close to, sound logic and a rational solution. Also, trust yourself and realize that when these sensations come along they are there to inform you. They’re informing me, so I’m searching for solutions and making changes. Today, is an anxious day; too much coffee and letting go of the wheel will do that to a person. I’m nothing if not resourceful and intelligent, as you are too I’m sure.
