The Socially Anxious’ Guide to Manufacturing Self-Confidence
It had nothing to do with “loving myself”.
I used to hate looking at myself in photos.
I always felt a deep sense of discomfort to look at any photo of myself. Camera shyness, my psoriasis, lack of confidence around style, what have you — I had it all. I hated photos, and would rapidly evade any situation where there was even a remote chance of being in a camera.
But, like a miracle, things changed.
The click
I was on a trip with friends a couple of weeks ago, and we were on a hiking trail.
I loved the outdoors, and this place was perfect. The trail was narrow but easy, and on both sides there was nature. Picturesque views of the forest on the left, and steep rock formations from the right. I was excited, so I took a lot of pictures.
I took so many pictures of myself.
So much, in fact, that when my little group approached another “Instagrammable” spot in the trail, my friends turned to me and amusingly said, “go on, we know you want to.”
And I did want to.
And that was so mind-blowing to me.
I paused in wonder, thinking back to the me just years ago. And then took a ton of pictures. At that moment, I knew I’d outgrown my old self. Success!
But … how?
This was puzzling since I wasn’t really on a mission to change that aspect of my personality.
Though I love how comfortable I am now, just recently I was already resigned to the fact that I’ll always be that one friend. The one who will forever wear a visible mask of discomfort in pictures.
But now I looked … Well, not great exactly. But comfortable, and easy. Confident. So how did it happen?
It took some introspection, but I think I’ve figured it out.
The secret is …
Not self-love.
Not becoming more fashionable, or knowing “my angles.”
Not just spontaneously being more confident.
I just … took more photos. It was the simple and common fact of exposure.
I wasn’t exactly fond of my face, I didn’t think I looked good.
But there were school projects and role-play videos even before selfies became such a thing. Then there were random funny group chats, funny filters, and girlfriends that demanded selfies like it was a precious resource.
Little by little, my hang-ups around my appearance faded. I became more confident.
But everything started with acceptance.
Manufacturing self-confidence
So, how do you actually become more confident? As far as my experiences went, it was through exposure.
And this isn’t just something for something as small as selfies.
I found that it’s also a general trend for anything that I felt initially uncomfortable with. Talking to strangers, job interviews — even writing.
It all starts with acceptance: knowing you’re probably terrible, but putting yourself through it again and again.
Until one day, it becomes easy.
