When I Believe In Me
Recently, I abruptly walked away from a good job. Outwardly, it all seems good. It’s a good medium size company that is profitable and has great benefits; but that’s not enough to retain good employees. The culture of a workplace is equally or even more important dare I say, than wages and benefits. It was an easy gig. Run the forklift and move the materials and equipment when they needed me to, and stay busy in between. It’s a cake job that a lot of people would love, but not me. After the first 5–6 months I began to feel that I needed more; after all, I’m a guy that scores 20-30 points above the national average on I.Q. tests consistently when I’m drunk. I am a very punctual, diligent and independent worker but a person can only go without structure and guidance for so long before things lose their luster.
So I walked away, no notice and no plan. I’m aware of how juvenile this life approach is on the outside; but, there was something more important at stake. My mental health has been taking a veritable nose dive over the last few months, because I’ve been unhappy with my job and straining myself to stick it out until I could move to something else. I had to give up and take care of my self above all else, no matter what. The day came, when I was looking at a third consecutive week of absences because of debilitating anxiety; the likes of which I haven’t dealt with for more than two years.
Of course I knew that walking away without a plan was a huge risk. The very likely possibility of ending up homeless again because of this decision was not lost on me; in fact, it’s been in the back of my mind for all ten of the days that have passed since I quit my job. There’s also no doubting that I have been nervous, but I believe in myself and I trust myself. I am one of the most resourceful people that I know. I suppose one gets that way when they experience homelessness and the daily grind to make it to the next meal, or to the shelter, or to the job interview, all when they have nothing.
I had been sending out job applications for several weeks. I crawled out of bed the day I quit my job and got to work on my plan. I evaluated my situation, inventoried my resources, brainstormed all of the possible outcomes, made note of all of my possible contingencies, and then I began to focus on objectives.
Upon receipt of my final paycheck I paid ahead on rent, bought groceries, nipped at my power bill, and fueled my vehicle. With my necessities covered, I set out to make the changes I need and desire. I landed an interview for the long term job that I want. I then landed an interview for the temporary job that I want, that will provide my gap income. Within days of each other, both have made job offers. My plan worked, and has come to fruition for some key reasons:
One
From day Zero, forward has been the only direction. If I’m awake, I’ve either been searching or doing. I revisit the numbers several times a day.
Two
I hedged my bets. I’ve had 2–3–4 back up plans in case my desired outcomes didn’t happen. I’ve paced this apartment for miles, telling myself encouraging words and making plans; setting daily goals.
Three
I’ve become a self advocate. When speaking to potential employers and others, I’ve sought to highlight my positive attributes and acknowledge my faults. Being real sells.
Four
I’ve trusted me. I know myself and the abysmal depths that I’ve been to in my life, whether by choice or not. Either way, I know I can rely on me to pull me out of hardship, because I’ve done it before.
Five
Focus and peace. Head peace. I’ve focused intently on the outcomes that I want, and I have maintained my peace of mind throughout by caring for my body and mind. I give myself respite with my guitar and healthy food. Knowing that if one angle doesn’t work, that another will find the target.
As I write this, I feel a sense of triumph because everything that I needed and wanted for myself has materialized. I don’t put a lot of stock in luck or chance. I believe that I’ve laid the track for my future, because I want it, simple. Spiritual freedom is on the horizon…
