About Me — Dr. Jen
Writer / Skier / Therapist / Business Owner
Table of Contents
1. Introduction
2. Early Life
3. Entrepreneur
4. Dr. Jen
5. Tragedy
6. The Writer
Introduction
As I was choosing my photo for this introduction, I was reminded that I have many sides: professional, playful, serious, ridiculous…which one did I want to portray as you get to know me?! Keep reading, and I will share it all.
The photo I landed on was me ziplining in Whistler. The pic was taken in September of 2019, before the world turned upside down on its heels. As a skier, I have been to Whistler numerous times to challenge the slopes, but on this occasion my husband and I had decided to check out the summer offerings. We are so glad we did! We discovered that there is as much to do there in the summer as there is in the winter. Very lovely.
Side note: as I was having a blast flying through the mountains on our zipline tour, my husband was scared shitless and very unhappy at my choice of activity. I knew that he was scared of heights, but in my naivety and well-meaning-ness I assumed that the safety of the gear and the instructors may possibly help with that silly fear of his. Nope. He was pissed at me. Fortunately he did eventually forgive me.
Early Life
Let’s back up. I was born in Lethbridge Alberta to the shotgun marriage of Julie and Bob. They were teenagers, and I was the reason they had to marry. Not a great start to life. They were too young, not well suited, and mostly miserable together as far as I can remember. After about four years, they decided to have yet another baby to see if that would help their terrible union. We all know how that story ends. Now they had even more stress and two kids to care for. Or should I say I now had someone to care for! Within this lies the beginnings of my caregiver self.
When I was two years old we moved to Calgary Alberta, which is where I grew up. It was an okay place to be raised, with a very friendly open-door-policy kinda vibe. My parents finally ended their misery when I was about eight years old, which began my poor-but-happy phase of my life. I was devastated that my dad left as him and I were closer and more alike, and my mom and my brother were more connected. It felt like he left me, not my mom. However, the bonus was that our house got quiet and more predictable. No more chaos and fighting and broken items to wake up to. That was the happy part.
Entrepreneur
The poor part was because my mom had to leave high school when she got pregnant with me, so she had not really worked to speak of (a part time job at a hair salon sweeping up). She never had an opportunity to go to school and have a career. So when my parents split, we went on welfare. I believe this was significant in my life because out of necessity the survival mechanism kicked in for me. School of hard knocks, per se. If I wanted something, I had to work for it. At a young age I became entrepreneurial and did whatever I could to make a buck: clean the inside of car windows (people smoked in their vehicles in those days); shovel snow in the winter; mow lawns in the summer. I graduated to babysitting when I was old enough (eleven) which was much more lucrative and easier. Well, sorta, except putting up with the kids part!!
One clear message my mom always gave me: you can be whoever you want, and you can do whatever you want. I took that very seriously and still do to this day. To a fault perhaps? ‘No’ is not in my vocabulary. If the front door is locked, there is always another way in for me: side door, back door, window, break in…whatever it takes. I will do it!
Another clear message my mom sent me: do not depend on a man — get an education. So of course I did, all the way to my Ph.D. No RESP’s or a cozy basement pad at home for me. Student loans, working pretty much full time throughout, and living on my own (with boyfriends mostly) throughout. As bad as that may sound, it was very rewarding and I usually figured out how to make it through my studies and have a good time too.
Fast forward to today. I am divorced myself, sadly. I did not want to repeat that family tradition, but it happened. The good part: I have two amazing kids. A son who is twenty-nine (how in the world am I old enough to have a 29 year old?!) and a daughter who is 28. Yes, I even attacked having children with a fervour. I didn’t want to just have one, and I wanted them close together. So, thirteen months apart it is! They are both excellent people, kind and conscientious, making their way in the world.
Carrying on my entrepreneurial spirit, I have owned many businesses in my lifetime. I had a secretarial and packaged office business in my twenties, along with a commercial and residential painting business, and a temp agency for restaurants. I made a bit of money at each of them, but never anything fantastic. Enough to pay my rent and have some adventures.
I love travelling and have knocked off quite a few countries from my list already. I would like to hit them all before I die, but I know there are a lot! I will keep at it as I sucked at geography and social studies as a kid, so the world is a new discovery that works better for me experientially. I also value travel very highly as I believe that it makes me a better person knowing how different countries and cultures do life. I learn a lot about history as I travel, furthering my understanding of how and why the world operates the way it does today as a result.
Dr. Jen
I became a therapist (family counsellor) twenty-five years ago. Along the way, one of my clients started calling me Dr. Phil, which then morphed into Dr. Jen. Most know me that way today.
My educational endeavour started in computer programming as I didn’t know what I wanted to do/be when I left high school. Computers were brand new in 1982 so it seemed like a good idea, being ahead of the curve? Good idea until I figured out that me and my computer were not best friends!
I later decided to go back and take my Master’s degree in Psychology, and just kept on going through to complete Ph.D. It has been a good fit for my personality and my experiences. I started a group practice along the way as private practice can be quite lonely. This venture has grown to over sixty therapists that come and go, and use The Counselling Group as their home base. Making good money, however, still seems to elude me. Again, I make enough to pay my bills and do most of what I want to do, but not enough to be super comfortable. That poor but happy mentality has definitely stuck with me!
One of the ways in which I am rich is in my second marriage. I was older and wiser and chose better the second time around. My husband is a kind soul who provides stability in my life. He is also a great partner for our favourite adventures: skiing, camping and travelling.
Tragedy
As if being a product of a teenage pregnancy, my parents divorcing, and going through a divorce myself wasn’t enough — something much more tragic happened. I lost someone I loved to a drug overdose.
This was a significant turning point in my life. For some reason all of the other tragedies that occurred I managed to move through with relative ease, rising above and becoming stronger as a result. However, this one turned my life upside down, putting into question my ability to help others and challenging that “I can do anything” attitude. I have not recovered from that event to date. It has been more than three years.
If you are interested in my grieving process, you will find my nakedness in these blogs:
Grief Has Changed Me — Forever
How Grief Hijacked My Marriage
The Writer
At the heart of all of this: I am a writer. Writing saved my soul when I was younger and living amidst chaos. I used to write poetry when I was sad or scared or even when I was suicidal and wished God would take me out. Having the ability to get the inside out onto a piece of paper provided me relief. I am still doing that today. I have filled many journals throughout my lifetime. I hope those I leave behind have fun reading them all when I’m gone. There is some pretty good stuff in them thar journals!
My hope now is that through my writing I can help others, the same way I help others through my practice, but through an alternative medium. In my writing, I write about personal experiences in the hopes of connecting with others’ pain. Poverty, sexual assault, mental illness: I share these parts of my history not for pity, but for inspiration. Sure, these things were hard and sad, but they also made me strong, determined and empathetic. I love these qualities that emerged out of pain. They shaped me into the beautiful person I am today.
I also write about my outdoor experiences, mostly skiing, as I believe that getting outdoors is vital for mental health. Occasionally I write book and movie reviews as I believe watching films and reading are also ways that people learn and heal and move forward in their lives. Another aside: I interview random people I run across in my life. Regular folks who have their own interesting story and journey to share.
My goal: I would like to earn money writing so that I can continue to help others while feeding my wanderlust. Maybe I could be “not-so-poor but happy”? We will see what the future has for me.
Jennifer Hammersmark lives in Salmo, B.C. with her husband Mike, their dog Otto, and their cat Luci. For contact information, feel free to visit her website or email: me@doctorjen.co
