Are You A Boiling Frog?

I was. And as the story goes, I didn’t even know it.

Photo by Ladd Greene on Unsplash

The boiling frog is a fable describing a frog being slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. The story is often used as a metaphor for the inability or unwillingness of people to react to or be aware of sinister threats that arise gradually rather than suddenly. — wikipedia

My husband and I decided to check out of the rat race and move far away to a small rural community. Strangely we did not think long and hard about this decision, or plan ahead. We just came up with the idea one day and voila! About six weeks later we were outta there.

Like the boiling frog, I was slowly dying and really did not know it. I had become so accustomed to working very hard to keep all of the balls in the air that I really had no idea how it was affecting me. That is, until we moved away and I didn’t need to any longer.

Now, with an entirely different slower pace all around me, I am keenly aware of what my normal was. The problem now is, how do I change it? How do I reprogram my brain to let it know that the demands that I was used to don’t exist any longer. This is a strange dilemma.

Here are a few examples of what I had gotten used to in the pot of slowly boiling water:

• I know how to work until I drop. For the sake of progress and simply because there were so many things that needed to be accomplished each day, I had learned how to work and work and work. Must keep going. Do not stop until every last task is complete. Work, work, work.
• I know how to “do” (above) and I know how to schedule down time (active tense). After all, I am a therapist and I teach my clients that balance and down time are necessary. Must practice what I preach! So making sure I have time in my life to read, ski, go camping, etc. must be a priority. So why does it still feel like I am doing when I am supposed to be relaxing? Because it is still active; I was still scheduling and doing instead of being. The only saving grace is that most of my down time was spent outdoors, so I was at least getting the benefit of fresh air and vitamin D while I wasn’t working. Good thing, or who knows what my fate might have been!
• I would “allow” myself the guilty pleasure of reading novels. Thank goodness an activity that actually requires sitting still, often for hours on end. The downside? I would then apply pressure to myself to write a review (positive, of course) so that others could learn and grow from my experience.
• I love watching independent films, especially documentaries, but then I would expect myself to write a review (again positive, of course). Prior to Covid I loved going into the city and taking in numerous films during festivals, often getting a chance to meet the filmmakers and engage in Q&A’s afterward. So fun! The catch? Yes yet again I would apply pressure to myself to blog about the films afterward. Don’t get me wrong, I really love promoting good films and filmmakers. However again, stress and pressure would ensue and I would not rest until every review was complete. Sigh.
• I don’t know how to have a casual conversation with my husband. I know how to talk about lists and things to do as that comes naturally to me. But just sit and chat, about life, not so much. You would think after fifteen years we would have lots to share and discuss. It would seem not. We have only learned how to plan, schedule, and get shit done.
• I don’t know how to quit working after a more than reasonable amount of progress has been made. Again the frog is beginning to have an awareness that “man it is getting hot in here!” However, must keep going. It is great that I just got that thing done, but there is so much more to do. Always more to do. Can’t stop. And trust me, when you have purchased almost eight acres of land there is plenty to do. But there always will be, so the value of knowing how to quit or give myself permission to call it a day is very important.
• I don’t know how to naturally take breaks, even when my body is screaming “stop!” It is not uncommon for me to keep pushing my body so hard that eventually I can barely move or bend or walk any longer. This is very bad. I really would like my body to take me into old age, but it certainly won’t at this rate!

So now what? I have learned these very bad habits all in the name of success and progress, but they are killing me. Or at least they were, until I moved to the land of slow. Awareness is half the distance to change, I would tell my clients. And yes, that is so. Whew, thank goodness!! Awareness — check. Change — coming!

On that note, I found some bathroom wisdom that seems appropriate to these circumstances:

The pub in Salmo, BC. Ladies washroom. Author unknown.

Since living in my new community, I have encountered many folks who have also relocated from larger busy cities. The feedback is consistent: loving the slower lifestyle. As is my situation, many also left behind friends and family whom they go back to visit. Again the feedback is consistent: as we approach the formerly familiar busyness, our shoulders tense up and our ability to withstand the pace has already diminished. We are already un-used to it. Whew! Thank goodness we were able to get out of the pot of boiling water before it was too late.

Photo by Austin Santaniello Bucholtz on Unsplash

Are you a boiling frog? You may not know it either. If any of what I have shared resonates with you, perhaps try slowing down yourself or getting out of dodge for a break and see if your body and mind thanks you too.