Invest in Women
International Women’s Day — March 8th
The Government of Canada’s theme for International Women’s Day (IWD) 2024 is Invest in women: Accelerate progress.
It’s a call to action and a reminder that gender equality is one of the most effective ways to build healthier, more prosperous, and more inclusive communities.
We all have a role to play in building a future where everyone can reach their full potential.
It is time to act — because women’s success is everyone’s success.
I think being a woman is really hard. Maybe that is because I am a woman, and I find life hard more often than not? Maybe men and others also think their life is hard? Perspective is an interesting thing.
If I trace back the roots for myself on when this first occurred to me, I would say it wasn’t until I had children. Prior to that, I didn’t really think my life was harder than anyone else’s, especially based on gender. As a kid, I was full of wonder and excitement for the world, believing as my mother taught me “you can be whoever you want to be, and you can do whatever you want to do”. Okay, I thought to myself, the world is my oyster.
My mother was intentional with this lovely message she imparted to me, largely because of her own misfortune that she did not want to see me repeat. It also included “go to school, get a career, and do not depend on a man!” She herself had a tough life, including getting pregnant with me as a teenager — the proverbial shotgun marriage following soon thereafter. Being encouraged or supported to be a single mom was not a thing in the early 60s, although that did end up her fate anyway. Child bride she was, with child on the way.
As I think about what I just said above, it isn’t completely true that being a girl was easy until I had children of my own. My life was indeed challenging growing up on welfare, in subsidized housing, and in a single parent home. Tough times were had, for sure, but I wasn’t really aware that my gender actually played a role in that struggle in the early years.
I could say that I really became aware of being the “weaker sex” (literally) when I was raped at fifteen. It was a boy I liked and hoped to date, so I accepted a ride home from the roller rink where I spend a lot of my adolescence. He decided my “No” meant nothing at all and used his size and power to get what he wanted. That was surely the distinct beginning of my awareness of how hard it was to be a woman. I was powerless in that situation. To add onto that tragedy, there were still strong cultural messages at that time about rape being women’s fault, and there weren’t any conversations about consent and what that even meant. After all, I did like him and accepted the ride, so surely it was my fault and I should have known better? Hence, I told no one. A tragedy on a tragedy.
Sorry if my disclosure may seem a bit shocking, but after years of therapy and being a therapist, it doesn’t have a hold on me like it once did. It is a story, a very sad story, about an event that happened in my life. It no longer controls me. But clearly it is the first visible example of how tough being a woman can be.
The next point in time that stands out was after I had my first child and was at a social function. Previously at parties, an interesting conversation would ensue upon meeting a new person and sharing my career path with them. Not so much after I sold my business to take a shot at being a mom. The declaration that I was at home with my newborn was not interesting in the least, which was evident by how quickly the conversation would move along to something or someone else. I did not stay home very long — back to work I went. At least there I was a “somebody” doing interesting things.
However this then brought new struggles: working mom guilt, for one. I actually did love working and being an entrepreneur, but constantly felt like I was in a tug-of-war as I left my kids in daycare or with sitters to pursue my academic and career goals. Seemed like a no-win. As far as I could tell, I don’t think my husband felt that pang of guilt in the same way when he became a father and still went off to work? Clearly the beginning of inequity forming.
Then we can add in the further inequities that still exist today. In households where both parents work full time, the majority of the chores and child duties still fall upon the mom. Data from the Pew Research Center shows that “while fathers are spending a lot more time doing housework and child care, mothers are still doing almost double the amount”.
And while we are at it, might as well add in the pay inequity. We women are definitely making progress, but we haven’t caught up yet.
The gender pay gap — the difference between the earnings of men and women — has barely closed in the United States in the past two decades. In 2022, American women typically earned 82 cents for every dollar earned by men. That was about the same as in 2002, when they earned 80 cents to the dollar. The slow pace at which the gender pay gap has narrowed this century contrasts sharply with the progress in the preceding two decades: In 1982, women earned just 65 cents to each dollar earned by men.
Less money for the same work is certainly still a discouraging reality.
I could also go on about how I feel women are treated differently at the bank when looking for a business loan, or even a mortgage on their own, but this would only be conjecture based on my lived experience. This may not be a fact or supported with research, but rather just a feeling I have had often by not being a big tall man in a suit.
Finally, I would say that being a woman is hard as we hold a lot of the emotional support responsibilities. What I mean by this is that I do believe we are crafted naturally as caregivers, so when the going gets tough, we get going. Tending to our friends and family’s needs, and holding space for others during trauma, loss and strife seem to be quite natural for us. This is a skill that I would say I really enjoy having, and certainly is a benefit for my clients, but can also be a burden when I am too overwhelmed myself by hardship and loss. Sometimes, it is just a lot.
So how can we use this dedicated day to make a difference? To change things? To invest in women to accelerate progress? First we can educate ourselves on where we have come from. The Government of Canada has a great site with a timeline of women in Canadian history, and a gender equality timeline. It is also important to educate our girls on who they are, what their rights are (consent, etc.) and who they can be. Mentoring and encouraging them are important, so see if you can find some time and energy to give. It matters.
