Isolation — Lonely or Lovely
As the world turns to quarantine as the solution, can we embrace the gifts of isolation?
When I was a kid, my fondest memories were staying at my grandparent’s home — literally, staying at their home. When we were there, the car did not leave the driveway. Not even once. At Christmas time, when we might be there for a few days, my grandparents would have planned ahead, done all of the shopping and meal planning, and home we would stay. We would prepare food, eat meals together, play cards, watch television, read, and relax. It was so very lovely!!
Today, can you even imagine a day when your car doesn’t leave the driveway? Even one single day out of 365? Probably not many, sadly. I am certain that this is not good for our souls. Always on the move. Always somewhere to go.
Over the years, I have noticed the rapid increase of anxiety-related issues with my clients. Twenty plus years ago, in the beginning of my career, anxiety as a presenting issue constituted maybe 10–15% of my caseload. Over the years, it has progressed to upwards of 75% I am sure. My colleagues have also noticed this trend.
I have many theories about this upsurge in anxiousness, but as a baseline I would say that the world is moving way too fast. How to keep up? Keep running as fast as we can, of course. We must accept the multitude of social invitations. We must maintain our work demands, including outside of work time on our devices. We must keep up on all of the latest, of everything, in this rapidly increasing information age. We must, we must, we must. As one of my favourite theorists, Albert Ellis, used to call it “MUSTerbating”. One of the ways to identify this problem in yourself: notice that you are making a lot of “should” statements.
These “should” and “shouldn’t” statements leave us feeling bad about ourselves because they set up standards that we cannot realistically meet. They also leave us feeling frustrated and hurt by others when they inevitably fail to fulfill our expectations. — Musterbation: The Danger In Shoulding All Over The Place
The COVID-19 is a terrible pandemic, and I mean no disrespect to the billions of lives that are being affected, mine included. However, I have always been an optimist and can find a silver lining in most any disaster. This is one of the reasons I make a good therapist. Teasing through the tragedies that affect people’s lives, and eventually finding the gifts that come as a result — I am good at that.
What I have noticed thus far in this crisis is that people are staying home and slowing down. They are reading, or writing, connecting as family, or cleaning out those drawers that were long overdue. There also seems to be more people spending time outside. I believe the lack of outside time is another large contributor to anxiety these days, which is why I ski blog and promote getting outdoors in anyway you can (especially during the winter when we are less likely to).
Another noticeable benefit is more connection and concern toward loved ones. The threat of loss can certainly be enough for us to appreciate one another more. On a larger scale, I had one client say that she thought it was “a reset of the universe”. There may be some truth to that. There are stories about the Venice canals being cleaner than they have been in sixty years, and the unintended climate benefits of cleaner air, most notably in China.
Although it may be hard to be positive in uncertain times as these, for yourself and your loved ones, see if you can embrace some gifts of isolation. My heart was warmed by the newscast of Italians that were stuck in their apartments, but were opening their windows and singing into the streets. What beauty that a cappella medley was. It sounded a lot like hope.
As you follow social isolation protocols, stay in and around your home more and enjoy the break. I bet all too soon we will be back out running full tilt again. Tackle that overdue project, or do some digging around in the garden or on your deck. Make sure you do get outside, even putting your head out your window, so that you keep the blues away. Stay closely connected to loved ones, and actually pick up the phone and talk to people (a slightly outdated form of communication!). Try and find a little something in each day that you can anchor your hope and gratitude in.
