I’ve Retired From Drinking
Now doesn’t that sound more sophisticated than quitting?? I’m not a quitter, no sirree!
I often think that when people talk or write about quitting again that it sounds kind of boring or blase. Maybe that is because I think I am boring or blase as I announce “here we go again!”
So who cares. I am making a smart decision — again. Haven’t you tried something new and failed a few times before you were successful? I think probably so. Most of us humans try, try and try again.
As I have posted in the past, being a functional alcoholic (my own self-diagnosis) is a double edged sword. It doesn’t cause me problems, per se. Of course drinking regularly is a problem, that’s a no-brainer. But not the kind of problems that are noticeable. I still work hard every day, still care too much about too many people, still responsible, still healthy…for now at least.
Until one day you are not. Perhaps it is your liver that kindly reminds you that it does have limits, you know. Or maybe that form of dementia called Korsakoff Syndrome will hit you when you aren’t looking, as it has with my own father. Or maybe you just get old enough and smart enough to know that there is a lot of life outside of that bottle. A life waiting to be lived.
I already had decided that as I enter my 60th year I am officially retiring from working too much, at least in the way that I have been doing it. I was born an entrepreneur and was raised with a strong work ethic. I still enjoy working, but the pace needs to be different. The aging process is alive and well, my energy isn’t the same, and I want to be more mindful about the time I have left here on the planet. I want to pursue the myriad of other projects and interests and passions that are calling me. So if I am retiring from working too much, why not retire from drinking too? Seems like a good time to cleanse my soul, my mind and my body. Who knows what might rush into that space once it has been created. I am excited to see for myself!
I would say this decision also falls on the heels of a very challenging year. I am blessed and I am more fortunate than most, to be sure. However, I have had more than my fair share of blows this past year too, and quite frankly, I am barely keeping my head above the water these days.
I had started to notice that I am more forgetful than ever before. I must admit, I have prided myself on my memory from a very young age. Tell me your name or your phone number only once — committed to memory forever. Now it seems things are just out of reach, like I can see them but not quite make them out. This is not a nice feeling! Very foreign. When I completely forgot a commitment that I have had once a month for about twenty years, I knew things are really going sideways.
But really, how many changes, how many deaths, how many disappointments can one person handle? I believe this girl has found her limit.
So now what? I will tell you what — get healthy for goodness sakes! I am the person who has preached and blogged about “get outside for your mental health” for years. I have researched the benefits, put them to the test, written about it, pushed my clients regularly about it for healing and growth — the gamut. Now finding myself doing just the opposite is appalling. Hypocrite is not a trait that I want to add to my resume, thank you very much.
One of the things that ironically I underestimated this past year was how knee surgery would impact my own mental health. Trust me, I have a list a mile long of other contributing factors, but the fact that I had an ACL replacement in January of this year and suddenly could not enjoy or partake in any of my regular activities was devastating. I do not need to be really good at any of the things I do, like skiing or disc golfing or hiking, but I need to be doing them — for my mental health more than my physical health.
Retiring from drinking seems like a good idea to help me get my butt in gear. More time, more energy, more money in my pocket, plus possibly a myriad of other benefits, can all contribute to the motivation I need to climb out of this hole. I am tired of sitting in the dark, hoping it will get better. Drinking did not get me here, but it is not very helpful in getting me out either!
Wish me well.
