Out of the Hole I Come!
Maybe life puts us there, but it is our job to get out.
Last month I shared about the slump I have been in and the contributing factors. I know we all have bad days, bad weeks, heck even bad months. That is part of being alive. As humans, I really do believe we are more alike than we are different, especially in our down times.
Now let’s talk about getting out of it. Perhaps sharing our journeys out of those holes can serve the greater good. I hope so.
I find it interesting that even as a Therapist, who should be good at this, I can be depressed and not fully aware that I am depressed until I am coming out the other side. The human condition truly can be complicated.
Over the years when I have appropriately shared snippets with my clients of some of my own down times, those conversations have been met with surprise. They have assumed since I am the mighty guru on the other side of the equation, certainly my life must be almost perfect, right? Perfect kids, perfect marriage, great mental health…that’s who my therapist is that is holding me, isn’t it?
NOPE! Human being here. Yes, I have cleaned out my proverbial closet perhaps more than most. And yes, I have a good Therapist myself as a requirement of my profession and a necessity of my life. And yes, I have more tools at my fingertips than some. However, still human, still experience human shortcomings, tragedies, losses, negative feelings, and sometimes, I just can’t get out of bed. Just like you.
I am happy to say that a month later I am beginning to feel better; feeling more like the self I am used to. I am glad because looking back, I think I may have been down for a good three months or more. As I said, it surprises me a bit that I wasn’t doing well and I didn’t know the depth of it.
As I say often to others, insight is key. You can’t change something that you don’t know, so even the awareness of it is a move in the right direction. One of my professors taught us that in therapy, even the client’s willingness to go to a first session is the first step. And the first step is half the distance to recovery. Now that is encouraging!
So let’s knock off some of the changes that have contributed to getting out of my hole. I will preface this by saying that I may have gotten out and up onto the sunny ground again, but the climb out of the dark has left me a little weary and I am now resting on the surface. Not up and running at full capacity yet, but at least I can see the possibilities.
Sobriety. That was the first step I decided to take. I have long known that alcohol is a central nervous system (CNS) depressant, which basically robs your body of serotonin and other feel good chemicals. The opposite of an anti-depressant. If one moderates and doesn’t drink daily, the body has plenty of time to recover its stores.
Being a daily drinker, however, does not allow those lovely brain chemicals to operate at full capacity. When feeling down and defeated by many outside influences, alcohol is not your friend. I have recently passed what I fondly called “Forty Days in the Desert” and life is improving. More energy, much more time, creative juices are flowing, and my entrepreneur brain is percolating.
Outside Time. ‘Get Outside For Your Mental Health’, the mantra I have been singing from the mountain tops for years, is not just a saying — it has research to back it. Studies show that as little as 20 minutes a day spent outdoors helps reduce stress. Only twenty minutes?! That’s a small commitment for a big payoff.
I have been intentional about being outside every day, reminding myself that I wasn’t able to after my ACL surgery. I also challenged myself as I was climbing out to go for a significant walk or hike each day for a week straight. I did that, and more. My how the body can heal so quickly with such an enjoyable assignment.
A professor from Harvard explains that biophilia — our innate human instinct to connect with nature — may be why being outdoors helps us feel better. He noted that “the ability to recover from stress is better in natural settings, because that’s where we are meant to be. Just the idea of getting out, being in nature, looking at a tree — the theory is that this helps you to recover from stress, improves your mental health, and improves cognition. It’s just a direct pathway.”
Forest Bathing. Yes this is an extension of getting outside, but even deeper and more intentional. Did you know that
“Spending time in green space or bringing nature into your everyday life can benefit both your mental and physical wellbeing.”
The article that I pulled this from even talks about how one individual uses nature to fight their Bipolar Disorder, or how another uses it to combat anxiety about climate change.
When I first heard the term Forest Bathing, it kind of made me laugh. Not because it was funny or untrue, but because it is an age-old practice with a new fangled name. Upon more research into it’s origin, I did find that the Japanese take this very seriously, and it was them that coined this term.
The practice of Forest Bathing, also known as Shinrin-yoku, originated in Japan in the 1980s. The term “Shinrin-yoku” was coined by the Japanese Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry, and Fisheries in 1982 and can be translated as “taking in the forest atmosphere” or “forest bathing.”
Please take a moment to read more about this reference , as it explains the causes and consequences of not taking daily outside time serious.
I have been educating myself more about Forest Bathing and how to engage more meaningfully in this practice. What a huge difference this has made. I have felt the benefits of movement outside for years, but as I become even more intentional about the silence, the smells, what I hear, what I see — my whole experience multiplies. As does my Relax Quotient.
Connection with others. I am a social person by nature, but have been moving toward introversion as I get older. Although I do value my alone time more as I age, connecting with other people and spending time with those I care about is equally important.
What I have noticed as I look back is that I was becoming more and more isolated. Not saying yes to invitations, and not making plans to see my friends and family. This is typical behaviour when we are not doing well, but not helpful in getting better.
I still mostly don’t feel up to crowds or visiting, but I am saying yes more often. When I do get off the couch and get out, I actually enjoy myself and feel energized by others. If I keep pushing, even when I don’t feel like it, a positive feedback loop has been occurring that makes me happier and want to say yes the next time. Humans need humans. Humans need connection.
Recap:
Sobriety + Outside Time + Forest Bathing + Connection = Feeling Better.
Next step, put those creative juices and new found energy to work! Publish that book, launch that retreat centre, write that memoir, to name some possibilities on my list. Perhaps have a think as to what you could do if some small changes created some new energy and hope for your future?
As I look forward to turning sixty I want to open a new chapter; a new way of giving, a new way of being. I am excited about creating some new directions for my life. Much to look forward to, if I let myself.
I have a quote on the wall in my office reception area from Mother Teresa that says it all:
“Let no one come to you without leaving better and happier”
I want to continue that tradition, in a way that also feeds me.
