Rave Mama
Therapist turned festival goer.
At the last festival that I volunteered at (the Unicorn Cup) I received the biggest compliment: “thank you for being my Rave Mama!”
I must admit that I really had no idea what this meant. It sounded kinda cool, and I could tell she was being grateful and genuine, but Rave Mama?? Must do some research. I have certainly never considered myself a raver!
A rave mom is someone who takes care of all her little rave babies (aka her squad). She makes sure everyone is having fun, has a place to sleep, gets their water intake, isn’t trippin too hard or getting too intoxicated. — Urban Dictionary
Okay, now I get it. It’s the responsible person making sure everyone is having a good time — safely. Yup, that’s me! At least in the volunteer contexts that I have been working in this summer.
I know I wrote about this briefly in my Shambhala blogpost, but I would like to expand on this more. The deaths due to the toxic drug supply crisis is not slowing down, so we need to be creative and think outside of the box. We now know that tough love does not work and that people who are addicted to harmful substances need our support more than ever. No shame. No stigma. Just love. And safety.
I was really blown away at the lengths Shambhala went to provide safety. Signs were everywhere letting people know that the Sanctuary existed, Outreach provided roaming teams to look for party goers in need, Doctors and Nurses volunteered their services, and Ankors provided onsite testing for whatever drug you brought with you to make sure it was safe to ingest. I think that covers all of the bases!
At my most recent festival, the Unicorn Cup, it was much smaller scale but still had some important components of ensuring safety. There was a medical tent where you could receive treatment if needed, as well as food and drink. Water was also available throughout the festival. My volunteer position was mostly to roam the venue to make sure everyone was okay. I really enjoyed this as it also allowed me to mingle, dance, and meet great people — all while being a Rave Mom. This is how I met Dana (not her real name).
Dana found out my position/role early on one of the festival days and asked if I could check in on her periodically throughout that evening to make sure she was okay. She intended on taking mushrooms, but was a little hesitant and had attended the festival on her own. Of course I agreed.
As the evening went on and I was roaming and checking on people, I would occasionally seek Dana out and check in. Yes, she had ingested some mushrooms. Not doing badly or too high, so she decided to add some more.
Later on, I checked in on her again. She was definitely enjoying the benefits but the night was turning cold quickly and she was not dressed warmly enough. I directed her to go back to her camp and get some warmer clothes on. It was also getting dark fast, so we were able to find her a headlamp to make sure she could find her way. In no time at all, she returned fully clothed and safe. I also found her some water as she was a bit dehydrated and away she went to have more fun.
I checked in on her one last time before I retired for the evening. Rave Mama is funny as my normal bedtime is about 9:30 pm. Alas I lasted until 12:30, but my feet, back and knees were killing me. I was exhausted. She assured me she was fine and would not be taking any more substances.
The next day I ran into her in the morning at the food truck, and she ran up to me and said “thank you SO much for being my Rave Mama (the first time I had heard this expression) and keeping me safe! I had so much fun last night.” What ensued, though, was a conversation I hadn’t anticipated.
Dana confided in me that the last time she tried mushrooms was a few years back, she did too much, and she was sexually assaulted. My heart sinks as I repeat this information (which I received permission to do so). She let me know that she has done some good therapy and some significant healing, including forgiving herself for thinking it was her fault for being too intoxicated. This is a common feeling amongst women who are sexually assaulted under the influence.
“I grew up functionally without a mother. She doesn’t love herself, she can’t love me, so my whole life I just felt unsafe. When I met you and you offered your help, I had this feeling that you could help me for real. I have had a lot of not-helpful help from people on trips and I just knew you could. It allowed me to explore, let me let go, and if I needed a mama, you were a mama. I let so many things go.” — Dana
In the context of safety, healing can happen, growth can happen, fun can happen. And in this case, all of the above. So rewarding and important.
“I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay” is an expression a mentor at Shambhala taught me to use if someone is not doing well. I used this with Dana at one point in the evening, and the next day she told me that when I said that to her, I was speaking her language.
I wish we could all have the time and intention to meet people where they are at, and keep them safe. The world would be a better place, and less people would die. I can’t bring back my special person who died from an opioid overdose, but perhaps we can help save others from that fate.
We all understand the importance of pursuing our passions or finding purpose in our lives. My recommendation: look under ALL of the rocks. You never know which one yours will be under!
