Solo Travel for the Soul
In general, women are socialized to be hyperattuned to the needs of those we love — sometimes at the expense of our own fulfillment.
Sarah Treleaven, “The Rise of the Solo Female Traveller”, Globe & Mail, Saturday November 10, 2018 edition.
The defining moment: I am almost ready to leave. I am packing my bag, loading my rental car, and about to depart.
My 25 year old daughter is sobbing. She has moved to a new country, her accommodation plans have fallen through, and her mom is leaving her side for the first time since they arrived together.
Do I still go? This is my only opportunity to spend time alone during my entire two month trip. Do I change my plans? Do I stay with her? Do I take her with me? SHIT!!!
I need to go. I must go. For me , and for her. Eventually I will be returning to Canada, and she will ultimately be on her own. Plus, for myself, I instinctively know I need time by myself. Solo. No daughter, no husband, no girlfriends. Just me. Three little days.
So, I leave. She is crying, I am crying, but I leave. I think it takes me an hour before I can breathe properly again. I hope she is okay. I hope I made the right decision. I hope my journey goes well, and that it is worth it. I feel like the shittiest mom on the planet.
To be fair to my daughter, this is my problem, not hers. I fully trust that she has the inner strength and the intellectual resources she needs to work things out. As Sarah Treleaven says above, it is my own attunement to someone I love deeply, my daughter, that leaves me questioning my motives and my actions.
I have long been a believer and promoter of being alone. I know it is important to take time for yourself, to recharge your batteries. It is good for your soul, and it is also go for those around you whom you love, and whom depend on you. However, this is not always easily attained.
When I originally read Sarah’s article in the Globe & Mail about women travelling solo, there was so much I could relate to aside from the travelling itself. I will quote Sarah in this blogpost, and many of her citings, not to steal from her, but rather to hilite the amazing work that she did when she published the story. Please see her original story (named above) for the context of the people and the quotes I use.
My Journey: The Great Ocean Road
I originally considered taking a packaged tour for ease and expediency, however in the end, I decided that I wanted to travel the Great Ocean Road on my own. I am so glad I did.
The backstory starts with my daughter deciding that she wanted to move to Australia. Fantastic! I love that my adult children are experiencing the world. My other adult child, my son, presently resides in Hamburg, Germany.
After my daughter accepts her new job and is getting ready to move to Melbourne, she hopes that I will come with her and help her get settled. Of course! I love travelling and discovering new territory myself, and I have never been to Australia. The outcome of our planning morphs into me be away for two months, which is a big deal when you are self employed. Six weeks in Australia, with my husband joining me for the last three. Then, after he leaves, I will continue on to meet some girlfriends in Fiji for an additional two weeks before returning home to Canada. Off we go!
Apparently, according to Travelzoo in their first ever Female Solo Travel Report last July, women travelling solo is on the rise. The survey found that 70% of Canadian women were likely to take a solo trip in the future. That is a big number!
So in the end of the tear-fest, off I go to the Great Ocean Road. I am not really sure what I am in for, only that people who have gone before me rave about it. Sounds good to me.
Over the three day period that I travel this journey (Tuesday afternoon, through Friday morning) I begin in Torquay, then travel on to Lorne, Apollo Bay next, and finally end in Port Fairy before I turn around and come back.
On all accounts — amazing. I saw wildlife and terrain that cannot be easily explained in words. I definitely got more than I bargained for.
Also, I loved being by myself. As Oneika Raymond, a Travel channel host originally from Toronto, said:
When you travel alone, you have the opportunity to recharge your batteries away from those at home who rely on you for emotional and mental support.
Although this part of my journey was only three little days, what I experienced, and the renewed energy I received, was tenfold. The lightness in my spirit far exceeded my expectations.
I also met people along the way, and did things, that I probably wouldn’t have if I was travelling with others. I stayed in hostels, I dined with strangers, and I meandered through remote areas just to see what I could see. To me, this is one of the many advantages of travelling alone. When you don’t have to consider the needs of others, it is easier to make decisions that suit yourself (like jumping in a helicopter to view the Twelve Apostles! pics below).
It makes you feel really independent to do things women are supposed to be afraid of doing…We don’t need to rely on anybody to follow our dreams any more. It’s liberating to do it by yourself.
— Michelle Ponto
I fully experienced an independence and strong sense of confidence while travelling alone and making these decisions. Although most would view me from the outside as a confident woman in my day-to-day life, on the inside I am often anxious and distracted. The tough exterior is sometimes a front to cover up what is going on on the inside. During this solo trip, the inside matched the outside. Very liberating and empowering.
As a Mother, Wife, and Self-employed Business Woman, I really do find that choosing to do things on my own is difficult. Not because I don’t want to, but rather due to the loyalty conflicts that I perceive. I am frequently being pulled in many different directions, and when faced with a choice, I will most often choose to accommodate others first.
…many are also seeking something they might not name but intuitively sense they need. Going solo allows women to shake off the demands and expectations of others.
— Sarah Treleaven
I never really understood this part of me. I would feel resentful for the responsibility I felt toward others, but at the same time know that it was me that made the choice in the end (I can’t blame anyone else for that, can I?!) This is why I was so enamoured with Sarah’s article, and when I read the words above […women are socialized to be hyperattuned to the needs of those we love — sometimes at the expense of our own fulfillment], the big ‘uh-huh’ moment occurred. That struck a cord.
…many…are tired of constantly juggling work hassles, family demands and more. They want some space to feel the truth of who they are again.
— Jennifer Haddow, owner of Newfoundland-based Wild Women Expeditions
In summary, although we may be socialized to have this kind of ‘not-good-for-us’ propensity, I do not believe that we are stuck with it. Once I came to the realization that if I chose what was good for me, that those around me would benefit, the choice became easier. Even with a sobbing daughter.
