What Women Want
Love, respect, equality. Is that too much to ask?
Caveat: for the purpose of this writing, I will be making some generalizations about men and women, which of course there are always exceptions. My sincere intention is not to offend anyone, but only to talk about my own shitty life, and the gifts that have also come with it.
As I think about International Women’s Day, so many things come to mind. Among them, I ponder how great it is to be a woman, how hard it is to be a woman, and how there are still so many marginalized women worldwide today. Sigh.
In my own journey as a woman, I have embraced all of those experiences. I have often been so grateful to be a woman. I believe we were all created equal, and that each gender was also blessed with differing gifts that help define our strengths. As a cisgender woman I am glad that I am able to multi-task, be a caregiver, run companies, and still make sure there is always food in the fridge and toilet paper on the roll. Very blessed. However, please don’t ask me to fix a leaky faucet, build a deck, or kill the beast and bring it home for dinner. My mind is not wired that way, and I do not have those skills. Men and women, in my opinion, have different “specials”. We are all wired toward different tasks and goals for survival and procreation.
On the other hand, I have also known how hard it is to be a woman. When I was young I experienced growing up on welfare with a single mom, while my father enjoyed wealth with no responsibility from the court to provide us a better living. I was aware that boys seemed to be elevated, and that us girls had to work harder. I experienced unwanted attention from boys and men, that somehow seemed to be socially acceptable. I was raped when I was fifteen and still a virgin, and culture kept me quiet due to shame and embarrassment. There were definitely times when it was not fun being a woman.
I have a great mom who told me often when I was young that “you can do whatever you want to do; you can be whoever you want to be”. She did not want me to end up in her circumstances. I believed her, so I pushed beyond my own circumstances and educated myself. I knew that the more education I got, the more money I would make. This was important for me in order to get out of the generational cycle I had been born into. I was the first person in my family history that had even graduated high school (that I am aware of), never mind get a degree.
As a mature woman, I now look more closely at my self made accomplishments and realize that even as an underprivileged woman, I still had opportunities that other women do not have in the world today. I naively thought that anyone with tough circumstances could work hard and get their way out of it. After all, mine were pretty bad, right? I had not realized what a basic privilege it was to have access to education and student loans. Other women cannot just decide to work harder at their goals and achieve more. Their culture and laws prohibit them from moving forward.
The emerging global consensus is that despite some progress, real change has been agonizingly slow for the majority of women and girls in the world. Today, not a single country can claim to have achieved gender equality. Multiple obstacles remain unchanged in law and in culture. Women and girls continue to be undervalued; they work more and earn less and have fewer choices; and experience multiple forms of violence at home and in public spaces. Furthermore, there is a significant threat of rollback of hard-won feminist gains.
So here we are in 2020 approaching International Women’s Day. This year the theme is “I am Generation Equality: Realizing Women’s Rights”, which marks the 25th anniversary of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action.
I would have to say that it is rather sad that on the 25th anniversary of such an important event and declaration, that those goals have still not been accomplished. In some places, there has even been backwards motion.
So, what do women want? They want to be treated with respect, accepted for who they are, and be loved. Basic human rights. Why does this seem to be so hard? A complicated question, and an even more complicated answer. Let’s keep hoping.
You can support gender equality and women’s empowerment around the world by getting involved in a number of ways. Take part in one of UN Women’s campaigns or professional networks; raise awareness on social media; or donate to help us achieve our mission. Your voice matters. Your actions make it real.
