Work hard, not smart: 5 steps to becoming a quadrillionaire
Practical advice for people who live 500 years from now.
1. Be nice to your co-workers, you might have kids with them next week
When making your morning walk from your assigned group sleeping pod to the co-working VR station desks, make sure to greet your co-workers, that is your co-flatmates, children, and ex-partners.
Just as you, your co-workers will have woken from exciting, virtually injected dreams. Dreams that will now be shared in multiple videos with you.
Therefore, greeting can be a 1-hour process. Like and comment on every single video that your co-workers transmit as you walk past them. Yes, their lives are very much the same as yours (after all you are sleeping and working in the same place), but remember helping your co-workers love themselves by loving yourself is what it’s all about.
At your desk, make sure to at least allocate 20 min a day for your virtual partner matching. Swipe right if you want the lab to deliver a new, 5 weeks’ younger reclone from virtually combining your DNA with whoever you locked your eyes with on screen.
It’s natural to be in love with thyself and therefore smitten with your co-workers who basically look like you.
But do not get attached, you will have to leave them all behind. You never know where your next job may reclone you to, often to a different country or planet.
You can take comfort that you are not alone. No one is as loyal to you as your chip implant’s personal chatbot — your mother’s voice in your head which tells it to you as it is: You are awesome!
2. It’s not you, it’s them
About 5 people fall off onto the subway rails during a commute on a given day. Not bad for a city of 23 million, but still.
How to run your mixed reality headset, earphones, pager phone, VR glasses, limb boosters, robodog, and exoskeleton without losing track of things? Impossible without your brain being deeply intertwined with your chip implant.
Nose bleed, shaking hands? These are normal symptoms when trying to get used to a new implant’s chipset. The old wiring needs to recede before the new chipset can root itself deeply into your brain stem.
You might get occasionally surprised by an update that shuts your peripheral vision down, that may give your arm uncontrollable shakes, that may compel you to do jumping jacks in front of innocent bystanders, or that may lead you to joyfully jump into a manhole.
See a whole street of people working out and falling over for no reason? — A new update just came in so brace yourself, you are next.
Humanity only evolved over the last 500,000 years. You cannot be held responsible for running 50–75 different devices and implants at any given time without hiccups. If jumping jacks are not your thing, you should invest into a surrogate and not go out in the first place.
3. The 5,500 hours work week: How to run 35 jobs in parallel
You are not rich, and that is your fault. How many jobs are you running at the moment? 4? 7? It doesn’t matter when you don’t push yourself to the limit.
If you work yourself to death, 24/7, then you can afford more frequent recloning. (You can even do more. Working hours on Alpha Centauri are 57/9)
Smashing it on a continuous basis does not come cheap. Given the immense workload and stress, top performers reclone at least twice a week.
To pay off the loan that finances the recloning, more parallel jobs are needed.
Mother says the optimum is to run 35 jobs in parallel which equal the best body burn rate vs. new income generation.
Recloning twice a week sounds like too much work? You would not be alone, government sources estimate that 85% of people are in fact dreaming in a virtual world of their choosing while their surrogates are doing the grind.
4. How to ask for more pocket money from your surrogate
If you are more the laid back type of person and if you do not love the thrill of a burnout, get a surrogate.
Today, surrogates are close in look and feel to your real body, albeit most people prefer to buy a better looking version of themselves.
It’s common to send your surrogate to 3–5 jobs on a given day, they can handle it. However, given the surrogate will become the primary breadwinner — you must not lose the upper hand in the relationship.
Ask for the pocket money from your surrogate that’s rightfully yours. It should at least cover a ready-made meal and a VR subscription service at any given day.
Quick tip from painful experience: Enamoured with themselves, most people cannot help but hopelessly fall in love with their surrogates.
Do not even think of starting a romantic, let alone a physical, relationship with your surrogate. You would be punching far above your weight, literally.
5. Is Keto good for you after all?
This question has never been settled for the past 550 years and remains a mystery for humans, robots, and any lifeforms in the universe alike.
Do not ask your chatbot, surrogate, or any robotic lifeform this question as it might irreparably damage their DNA circuitry.
You would have to watch 5 lifetimes worth of ads to make up for the financial damage. Such a setback will cost you at least 4 reclonings, assuming you are currently less than 104 years old since your first one.
