Direction Unknown

Fear and excitement a driving force

I’m 24 and have no clue what I want to ‘do’ in life.

I have a pretty awesome idea about how I want to live my life. Happy. Free from petty stress, sleazy bosses, numbing work, and complacency. Bursting with small victories, daily ice-cream treats, and creative productivity.

When it comes to deciding on a to ‘do’ in life —I’m speechless. Not in the good way. I’m pretty certain I know what I do not want to ‘do’ in life, but that doesn't seem to satisfy the endless post-graduation questionnaires.

At first the lack of knowing startled me… everyone else I know has a pretty darn good idea. Now, not so much. I’m excited to not have a plan for the first time in my albeit short life. I’m sick of creating 1/2/3 year plans that never -ever- pan out the way I had planned making me feel like a failure simply because OH MY GOSH I changed. I’m embracing my ever-evolving nature and challenging myself to discover what I’m meant to ‘do’ rather than play some silly guessing game. College was cool… I learned a bunch of formulas and classifications, but all the while that my head was stuck in some textbook I neglected to discover myself. No time like post-graduation.

I haven’t quite figured out if I am more excited or more afraid. Sure, self discovery sounds all sorts of poetic, but it’s not going to be easy. I don’t come from a line of millionaires; once my bank account runs dry (which will be sooner than I think) I’m going to be in the real struggle kind of trouble. I’ll have to multi-task my self-discovery with hard — not so awesome — work in order to feed my belly and undying love of NYC.

This is all very foreign to me. This whole no-plan-of-action just wing it sort of thing. I’ve decided to use the constant see-sawing of fear and excitement to my fuel my endeavor. Who knows… perhaps this will all end in epic failure. Or perhaps it won’t.