Why Men Should Give Mindfulness A Try
From a normal guy who thought he had it all.
It may be fair to say that most western (particularly American) men see the idea of self-improvement and growth in much different terms from women — at least I know I did.
Previous to choosing to live a life dedicated to discovering the truth about who I am, I was a medical device sales rep, making lucrative deals with spine surgeons and hospitals. I drove a slick German sedan, owned a brick and timber loft in the city, traveled, and spent money freely on whatever, and whomever I wanted. For most of my twenties it seemed I was living the dream. It was the life that society had told me to live — go to college, get a job, accumulate wealth, and get ready to settle down.
The idea of self-improvement and growth boiled down to whether my W-2 was larger than it was the year before. If the answer was yes, all was copacetic.
First off, guys, I am not advocating that you quit your job or feel guilty about making money. Practicing mindfulness and discovering our true Self is something that can, and should, be done everyday, including the days we work. In fact, the practice will help us in our day-to-day engagements with other people, intricate tasks, and goal-oriented achievement in a world where multitasking is seen as a point of pride.
But let’s slow down.
Before we understand how to practice mindfulness, let us start by asking a simple question, because honestly, we’re just not the ones doing it. Without generalizing too much, fact remains that most women are looking for answers and finding more ways to grow than we are. They’re going to retreats, yoga classes, and spiritual speaking engagements. They’re finding ways to be healthy and aware of their mind and body, even as they continue to close the gap on living career oriented lifestyles similar to men. They’re doing it better — and while its certainly not a competition, they’re suffering less — one of the key tenets to a living a mindful life.
The question is — What’s missing in my life?
I was raised Catholic, and with this experience, a lot of questions were left unanswered. Not that I blame anyone, especially my parents or the Church. After I left my parents house at 18, the thought of going to Church had completely vanished. I was no longer forced to go, so I chose to exercise this freedom by sleeping in on Sundays and watching football, instead of reciting prayers at the alter. When I asked myself what was missing, it seemed initially seemed like this might be it — religion. I went back to Church, but still the question lingered and even, evolved.
Eventually I stumbled into a Buddhist temple. I attended a five week course on meditation, and proceeded to services every each week at the temple. It was a Zen Buddhist temple, so they taught a method of concentration meditation that simply asks the practitioner to count as they breathe. It was simple and accessible, and it worked. I found something — I wouldn’t call it inner peace, Zen, or Nirvana — but rather a way to have a conversation, with my Self.
This was a revelation — though I was not yet aware of how big of an impact it would have. To answer the question of what was missing, I only had to go within. The method taught by the Buddhists helped me open doors, but ultimately, all the answers were inside, all I had to do was go in there and get them.
Answering the question of what was missing and learning that I needed to have a conversation with my Self, was only the tip of the iceberg. This opened up a whole new galaxy of insights, wisdom, Truth, and ultimately, more questions.
In part two of this series, we’ll discuss a few simple, accessible meditation methods that will help us to get a conversation started with our Self, and lead us to a path for spiritual, emotional, and even professional growth. We’ll also discuss the difference between the big “S” and small “s” Self. For now, ponder the question, and let me know — what’s missing in your life?
