I’m Okay Parenting with High Expectations
The belief my kids are capable of greatness.
Since my kids were born, I’ve expected that they could communicate with me in their own unique way.
This started out with learning the Dunstan Baby Language. It’s a set of 5 cries that allowed me to understand what my son and daughter needed for the first few months of their lives based on distinct types of cries. For me, it was beyond that. I would look at my newborns, watching, expecting they were saying something more, without using their words.
As my kids grew older, I deepened their communication by teaching them baby signs. I had this deep expectation that my kids were fully capable of communication, and I was determined to find ways to enable them to share with me. I knew they couldn’t talk, but I knew, I knew they were capable of communication and I was determined to give them tools to do so.
Some say high expectations put too much pressure onto our children. But I’m not saying to expect all A’s, expect no mistakes, expect perfection.
I’m saying, what we expect, what we believe our child is capable of, I believe it changes how we parent. It changes the lens in which we look at our kids and we may find different tools, different skills, different ways to develop them in areas we may not have seen without this belief and expectation.
‘Having expectations is really about helping people reach their full potential’, — Jessica Levetan.
We think of the smile, as the first of the physical signs of communication, but that’s just one expectation that we’ve learned is true. What if we expected something different? I expected that my kids were trying to communicate to me, so it felt natural that I found ways to enable it.
We expect that babies can’t swim, but take a look at this 3 month old swimming.
I think this applies to so many things for our kids. Our expectations, our beliefs in them, that’s projected into ours and their reality.
I believe that my kids have a uniqueness to them, that’s fully them, and it’s my job as their parent to find and nurture and develop their uniqueness to it’s fullest.
I’m dedicating myself to finding their natural skill and nurturing that.
“The pygmalion effect is a psychological phenomenon that describes how expectations can modify behavior of others. It provides evidence for the self-fulfilling prophecy, which is based on the idea that others’ beliefs about us become true because their belief impacts how we behave.”
This was found back in a 1968 study in which they did a test that proved our expectations can change the outcome of our kids. The study lead teachers to believe that a set of kids they were teaching had “…unusual potential for academic growth.” Eight months later, the children with “potential” scored much higher. And the only difference between any of these children was, “…in the mind of the teacher.”
So I choose high expectational parenting grounded in love. I believe we can hold high expectations without the heavy pressure. Which is me choosing to believe my children are capable of their own unique greatness, as long as I find the right tools, encourage their mistakes, not push them too hard, and most of all… show them love every step of the way.
Side note: thank you to my husbands parents for teaching me so much about parenting. They’ve taught me more than I think they know they have. Thank you for raising two wonderful men and helping us raise two wonderful grandchildren.
Olivia
Mother of Landon (5) & Madelyn (3)
