Two simple hacks to start a conversation with anyone
Many of us are nervous when it comes to starting a conversation. We wish we had ice-breakers at the tip of our tongue but in reality, it is often not feasible. We sweat, fumble, zone out or simply become a mute participant trapped in an awkward silence, until one of the parties excuse themselves. The more you want to initiate a conversation, the harder it seems to do so. When our brains are too busy triggering adrenaline rush into our bodies, how do we achieve the (seemingly) indomitable task of starting a conversation.
I present two simple hacks of starting a conversation with anyone anywhere:
- Give them a thoughtful complement:
Be genuinely interested in them. You cannot connect to a person you don’t really want to know. This is the first step. The second step is to spend sometime observing them to understand what their tastes, attitudes and preferences might be. Once step one and two are accomplished, complement them thoughtfully and tastefully. A complement opens up a person.
Don’t just say, “your dress is lovely”. Spend some time observing their style, likes and choices and then, make a thoughtful complement. “This dress looks great on you! I love floral dresses but they don’t really suit me.” Now, this one is bound to interest the listener because not only have you given a thoughtful complement but invited their opinion. Most people like talking about themselves; what they do, like and why.
One thing to keep in mind is not to come off as creepy by invading the person’s private space.
For instance,
You see someone carrying a book of Kamasutra and want to start a conversation (for whatever reason). If you say, “Wow, kamasutra. You must know a lot of (sex) positions.” Or “You must enjoy sex a lot.” You are going to come off as extremely creepy. Instead you could say, “Hi, I see you are interested in anthropology in context to sexuality. You might be interested in Foucault’s History of sexuality too. Have you visited the khajurao’s temples? They might fascinate you!” Now, this is an extreme example but say something like the latter genuinely and the person is very likely to respond positively.
2. Follow the complement with either a question or a piece of information: By giving the person a complement, you have got them listening to you. The next step would be to prolong your interaction with them. It could be achieved in one of two ways, either by asking a question or presenting a piece of information relating to what you are complementing them for.
This reminds me of an incident that happened few months ago. While traveling in the local train, the girl sitting next to me abruptly turned to face me. Preoccupied with thoughts and music plugged into my ears, it took me few seconds to realize she was saying something.
She said something on the lines of “Wow, you have such beautiful eyes.” Catching me totally unprepared and being the way I am, I didn’t really know how to respond. The first thing that came out was, “Thank you! It’s probably the eyeliner.” She persisted and I hesitated. But didn’t follow up with much of anything. The rest of the journey, however short, felt awfully long and awkward. To this day, I don’t really understand what she was intending to do.
See, the thing is, a complement is great but without the support of a question, an idea or a story, it leads nowhere. Probably, she was hitting on me or was trying to sell something or just wanted to initiate a conversation. The sad reality, however, is that the moment was awkward and plastic.
Because the thing is, you don’t know what type of person you are trying to start a conversation with. They could be introverts, arrogant morons or esoteric pre-occupied buffoons (like myself). You do not know how the person will turn out to be but these 2 simple tricks are bound to get a person to open up and talk.
Another case in point,
Remember, DDLJ (Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge)? The famous Hindi romantic film from the 90's starring Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol which is now achieved cult status? In the film, the first time the main characters meet, and the hero is trying to get the heroine to talk to him, apart from the silly (and creepy) boyish charm he exudes, when he finally complements her on her eyes saying, “ your eyes are beautiful. They remind me of someone.” She finally responds (although she’s quite pissed by then) with “Really, whose?”
If you already know of the person and see them in person for the first time, simply walk up to them and tell them why you admire them and their work. Add an interesting question to the mix. They are bound to be interested in speaking to you. Of course, exceptions are to be expected but at least you would have given your best shot with high chances that it would work. The rest is up to you and them.
All the best!
