The Value of Things
Are you really doing what matters in the big picture?
I drive a 32-year-old truck.
Not old enough to be vintage, not new enough to be reliable, but yet, I can’t bring myself to get something new.
People ask me all the time, “Why don’t you get something safer? Why don’t you get something you don’t have to work on so much?” and my answer is always the same.
I just don’t care about that stuff very much.
I enjoy the simplicity of my truck.
I enjoy tinkering on it and learning mechanical things.
The fulfillment lies in the time I spend with my truck, and not at all about the social status it assigns to me.
I used to feel arrogant answering these questions, almost as if I might be perceived as too smart to fall prey to society’s demand on us to constantly consume.
But that’s not it at all.
To me, for reasons I’ve never been able to pin down, I just don’t value things very much, and the more this comes up, the more I realize that I don’t share this outlook with many people.
The Value of the Dollar
I really don’t care too much about money. To a fault. That feeling has gotten me into more trouble and debt than it’s worth, but it’s real.
If my money won’t be traded for a good or service that invokes a strong internal response, I ain’t buyin it.
I’ve never really had a savings because I typically only work enough hours to cover the spread. I just feel that the extra time at work would be more meaningful if I spent it with my family, even if we did nothing at all.
From time to time I’ll drop some serious dough on the new iPhone or PlayStation, but it’s more to satisfy a deep fascination with technology than to play the games or better manage my social life. I’m sure this has a lot to do with the psychological approach to marketing these companies take, but I’ve always been curious about the potential of human advancement.
I would be completely happy just window shopping at Fry’s or wandering through a tech expo to scratch that itch, but these types of stores are hard to come by in the age of Amazon.
I would be content test driving the new Tesla and feeling the speed and power, and then limping my old truck back home. I don’t have a need to experience that every day, just from time to time to fascinate my inner child.
Social Stigma
“How about you get dressed before you leave the house?!”
I was surprised to look up from my shopping and find an old man examining the basketball shorts I rolled out of bed and wore to the store.
If I’m being honest, he smelled of booze and seemed to be looking for trouble that morning, but for some reason, I had assigned him some sense of credibility; probably because I knew he was right. I know that it’s not socially acceptable to wander around town in your pajamas, but this wasn’t a typical concern of mine.
I kind of just laughed it off and went about my business, but it was definitely some cause for reflection.
Not owning a house, a reliable car, or the coolest brand sneakers isn’t the norm in today’s society. Despite not caring too much about the monetary value of my ensemble, I did care deeply about what people thought of me.
I still recall that interaction today like it was some traumatic event that sticks with me.
Still, I’ll wear wrinkly shirts or go way too long between hair cuts because well, who cares?
Anyone who judges me doesn’t have the credibility to do so. They accuse me of having no self-respect or being lazy, but really, they are cowardly for bending to the expectations of others. They aren’t brave enough to be comfortable and express themselves freely.
That’s okay though. There are many benefits to falling in line and doing well in the rat race, but all that mess isn’t for me.
My time and energy are too valuable to be squandered trying to satisfy society's insatiable demands.
All You Need is Love
Anything short of that is just a waste.
If the end result of your actions doesn’t somehow lead to loving more or being loved more you’re throwing away your time.
You can’t take anything with you, but you can live forever through the impressions you make on those around you.
Your house could burn to the ground today with all your stuff in it, and you could rebuild your life tomorrow.
But you can't buy back the time you should have been loving the people you care about but didn’t.
What will you regret more when you reflect on your life at the end of it?
I had an epiphany last night while I was venting some frustrations to Jessica.
I was explaining to her how lonely it felt sometimes when no one understands the depth that I’m trying to convey to them.
It’s like there are levels that I can go to with some people, but no one can wrap their head around my deepest thoughts and perspectives. I’ve paid dearly to gain this perspective, and I never want to see anyone I love have to face the same trials.
I try to open their eyes to a different point of view, but they don’t get it.
No one does.
And if everyone else is always the problem, maybe you’re the problem actually.
I thought I began this writing journey because I’d found my calling.
I’ve always found comfort in writing to no audience.
I thought my ultimate goal was to learn the art of writing and how to communicate more effectively. That’s what I’ve been telling people all along after all.
I see now that learning to communicate through writing is merely the vehicle I’ve found to reach my ultimate goal… to save people from their own despair.
If I could write a letter to myself before I had self-destructed so badly, I could have saved myself and many others from the havoc left in my wake.
You never know what people absorb and what goes over their heads, so I’ll just keep planting my seeds and seeing what takes root.
If my trials are enough to pay it forward and spare someone else from the same pain then I will be happy.
If I can master myself and share my thoughts in a way people can wrap their heads around, my labor would be complete.
